Thursday, December 24, 2009
That Santa Is One Cool Dude
We found out he can be even more awesome when along with his name, we throw in "I will pick up that phone and call the North Pole if you girls keep acting up." That one works really well. And since Ava thinks he uses a telescope to see children inside their homes, I sometimes use the "I will call Santa and have him point his telescope toward our house, if you don't stop doing that." That one works like a charm.
Santa's my new BFF.
Friday, December 18, 2009
The Velvet Devil Gave Me Hives
I remembered to remain calm and ran to the kitchen to find the Benadryl, because I'm always
I don't get why they recommend you Do Not Drink Alcohol While Taking Their Medication...because...ummm...I totally recommend it!!! I woke up this morning, my hives were gone and I barely remember having them!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
My Biggest Little Girl
I cherish the mornings that it's just me and Ava, when little Grace is still snoozing in her bed and she and I can have alone time together. It brings me back to when she was a baby and she had 100% of my attention. She was a year and a half old when her sister was born and sometimes I feel like that wasn't enough time to spend with just her. I love these mornings and when she comes into my room to wake me up, hearing her say "Mom, it's just you and me!" melts my heart.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
We Don't Speak To The Un-Famous. Contact Our Agents If You Need Us.
This year Terry mentioned KLRU contacted him inquiring about the possibility of volunteering once again, and anyone who knows Terry knows he said HELL YES before they even finished the question. He would never turn down an opportunity to
He asked me if I wanted to participate this year, along with a bunch of his friends from work. And to everyone that knows me, knows that I have a huge fear of public speaking and OMG this is live television people! "Places Please!" and "5-4-3-2-ON" and all of that livetelevisionstuffthathappens. There's no running off stage or throwing up or fainting without all of the
I said yes. And totally acted like I was fine with it. But Terry knows me better than that and very quickly realized he might have a problem on his hands when after the producer gave us our printed instructions on how to correctly dialogue with callers, his wife was the only one of 10 people who took their paperwork off to the side to study while everyone else ate sandwiches in the green room. It was actually a hallway, but green room sounds fancy and we're all stars-like.
Terry laughed at me which only made me more nervous. I actually though about switching to an off-camera role, answering roll-over calls. But the last minute, I decided I was fine. Having a friend sitting next to me cracking me up, helped talk me off the bridge.
Terry and I decided to sit apart to maximize the opportunity for face-time. It turned out the spot I chose had the camera on it basically every moment and his seat hid him from view for 70% of the show. Ouch!
A producer secretly plotting to block Terry from any possible camera shot.
A pre-production huddle as Denise tries to light Terry's head on fire with her eyes.
No one can stop laughing! Except Terry. Who's not visible.
Finally! One of the TWO phone calls I had all night!
Here we have Ben actually WINKING at the camera on the bottom left and Toby who's laughing so hard she needs to get her water from the floor. Hilar.
Look at you guys! Working hard on those 3 phone calls you each took! Way to go!
The kind peeps at KLRU opened up the Austin City Limits set, which was next door, and it was gorgeous! The lighting is far from ideal for my camera flash, but I'm just happy I was able to get a tour!
Pictures from behind the scenes....Enjoy! Toodles!
KLRU |
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Parental Supervision Required
I've got the most AWESOMEST idea.
Hey Ava! Look at ME!
It's totally fun! I feel the 50 degree wind on butt! Awesome!
Here. Look at my pants. Make yours do that.
HELLZ YEA!! LEAP FROG!!
OH SHIZ. WE'RE SO BUSTED. MOM TOTALLY SEES ME.
I'm pulling mine up. Act cool Ava. Pretend we're just chillin'.
She'll never know I started it. Especially by the way I fixed my pants. I'm a totally perfect pants-puller-upper.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
False Advertising
How full of shit are you man?! Trying to fool us by designing a label with pictures of vanilla beans, fragrant white flowers and frothy milkshakes with whipped cream squirted atop?? Are you kidding??
Do you think there's even 1 milligram of actual vanilla bean or magnolia essence or whipping cream in this shit? Wait, I know the answer to that question. Because I drank a bunch last night and had the pleasure of having another healthy portion for breakfast this morning. I drank all 450mLs of it and it certainly didn't come close to the lovely goodness that the label suggests. It tasted like chalk, metal shavings, wet toothpick wood and sweet-n-low were thrown in a blender and pulsed on high until it formed consistency of wet cement. Doesn't it sound delightful? I gulped it right down.
Actually, I tried to gulp it right down. As Terry was standing next to me, we pretended it was a "road block" on The Amazing Race and all I had to do was gulp it down in 1 minute and AWESOME! I would win a million dollars! I tried that... um... until right before it hit my top lip... the smell made it's way into my nostrils and I gave up on the Amazing Race. I totally lost a million dollars. Sorry honey, don't be mad.
It took me 30 minutes to drink last night's portion. I drank this morning's portion in 10 seconds flat because the girls were almost late for school. Barium burps are way gross. FYI.
You can imagine how excited I was when the doctor gave me an entire new glass of exciting vanilla milkshake to drink when I arrived this morning. I tried to tell her I already drank what they'd given me and OH GAWD there must be some mistake. Before I took a sip I told her about the whole Amazing Race thing and she laughed and nodded her head, so I laughed too and drank it all. Then she told me she'd never seen the show.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Can I Get A Bzzzz Bzzzz!
Monday, October 19, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Mr. Wizard Would Be So Proud
Directions:
1. Fill dish with milk and let sit for 10 minutes.
2. Add a few drops of food coloring.
3. Put a single drop of liquid soap in the middle of your dish. What happens???
Oh Gawd! How fun! WHAT ON EARTH WILL HAPPEN?! The suspense killed us. So I read the part that told us what to expect:
Get ready... I was excited when I read:
"Your milk colors will EXPLODE!!"
Oh Shit! Should the kids wear goggles? I looked inside the bag and didn't see any. What about gloves?! EXPLODING milk colors must make a huge mess, right? The bag didn't have any gloves either. Where are all of the safety warnings and safety equipment? Will it burn our faces when it EXPLODES all over my kitchen?
The directions/pamphlet advised us to try different kids of milk to see what effect that would bring.
After seeing first hand the EXPLODING fireworks of color, I can hardly wait to run to the store to buy all different kinds of milk, like skim or 2%. I might even try half-and-half or even whipping cream! OMG you guys! Chic-Fil-A kid's meal toys rawk!
Milk Explosion from Kara on Vimeo.
October 4th, 19(What?)
My mom's birthday was last weekend and her three lovely children got together to celebrate her big day! Lunch was late in the afternoon so we had the place to ourselves, which worked out great because the kiddos were able to be loud, run around and just be kiddos without pestering anyone. Sounds good to me!
Half of Grace's face, Ben, Chris, Madison & Kelli
Isn't this the sign for no good in football?
Yay for birthdays!! And ice cream!! With cherries on top!!
Friday, October 2, 2009
It's Friday! A Great Day For Humiliation!
Well goooooood morning! It's picture day again! JOY!
For this morning's pre-picture routine, I was prepared for the shit to hit the fan. But, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the The Picture Day Gods had spoken. And they said (amazingly) No Child Shall Bitch About What Is Placed Upon Their Bodies.
It's a frickin' miracle.
Both of my children kept their big mouths shut as I got them dressed this morning. Not a peep. Not a whimper. Not a "But Mom! I want to wear my flip flops!" or "Noooo Mommieeeee, I don't wanna wear tocks wiff my soooose!" They just sat there like limp noodles allowing me to shove arms and heads and legs into outfits I ACTUALLY PICKED OUT. It was a journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the twilight zone.
I can't go on with how easy that part of the morning was, without mentioning the fact that I was so fixated on the feeling of freedom from the lack of arguing going on in the house that I forgot there was more to getting them ready for school than their clothes. Like packing their drinks. And packing their snacks. And packing Ava's Show & Share item. And it was only when I shut off my car and opened the door in the school parking lot that I realized I forgot something way more important than food or liquid for my children. That feeling of freedom I was having - was not from an argument free morning - but from me not having on a bra. Holy shit. Not only did I forget that important part, but as I was apologizing to Ava's teacher for the lack of snacks, drinks, homework, etc., I let her in on my wardrobe shortage. Yea, I don't know why either. But for some reason I felt obligated to tell her. We're friends, but I guess not as good as I thought because when I told her, she didn't laugh or say "Girrrrrrrl please, I've done that before!", she threw her hand up over her mouth in shock. I'm not sure if she did that because I confessed to her that terrible tidbit of TMI... or because I'd said it right in front of a Dad who had been behind me the entire time trying get around me to let his kid into class.
When I was a senior in high school I was a brat and a total know-it-all, and that year my step-dad told me he was going to buy me tractor for Christmas so I could pull my head of of my ass. I could have used that tractor this morning.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Never Have I Ever...
Have you ever drank an entire bottle of wine by yourself while watching the Emmy's? Well let me tell you, it's exciting.
Have you ever rolled over in the middle of the night and laid your cheek and part of your bottom lip onto cold wet toddler drool? Well let me tell you, it's exciting. And it stinks.
Have you ever gotten out of your car to get the mail when the the top part of your flip-flop, flips underneath the rest of your foot causing you to bash into the mailbox and nearly dislocate your right shoulder? And then look around, praying none of your neighbors saw it happen? Well let me tell you, it's exciting.
Have you ever been nearly stampeded in the rain by 3 goats with horns and a miniature horse because you didn't know they DO NOT like open umbrellas? Well let me tell you, it's exciting.
Have you ever consumed entirely too much wine while watching the Emmy's that you stand in front of the TV in your bedroom pretending that you've just won Best Actress in a Comedy Series? Me neither.
Monday, September 21, 2009
What Could POSSIBLY Go Wrong When You Take Your Dad's Car Out Without Him Knowing?!
The eight of us hopped into two cars and hit the road. Melissa drove Brenda, Rachel and me to the restaurant and we searched for a parking spot with no luck. Then boom! We found an open spot along a curb. Then boom! Melissa backs into a huge rock next to the curb. Everyone screamed upon impact - except Melissa... who honestly didn't realize anything had even happened. I opened my passenger door and heard whiizzzzzz. I know whiizzzzzz is a pee sound -but that's all I can think of to describe a tire that is losing air at a very. rapid. rate. Melissa threw it into drive and said she needed to find a spot with more space to change the tire. CHANGE THE TIRE?? OMG! Is she crazy?!!? We needed to find a boy. Boys change tires! But no boys were around. So Rachel saved the day and whipped out her Triple A card and with one quick phone call, the tire was fixed in no time flat. I said flat. heehee. Now we could sit down and have dinner and margaritas with time to spare before the show. I said spare. heehee.
They're smiling, but after I took this, they kicked my ass in the parking lot.
Dinner was delicious and the stories that were told were delicious too! You girls crack me up with the stuff we talk about. Just when I think I've heard it all, someone has something jucier than the last time. LOVE IT!The show was of course, hilarious! They are always coming up with new bits, revolving around recent news or politics and even the bits they've done for years, still had me laughing outloud! For $25, you can't beat 2 hours of lol'ing with your girlfriends!
Oh. And one last thing. We stumbled into a crime scene while walking back to the car. And I of course had my camera ready to take pictures of any and all possible CSI activity. We did what anyone else would do and ducked under the yellow and black crime scene tape to check things out. Unfortunately, during our investigations, we didn't come across anything exciting. So we did the next best thing and committed our very own crime. Melissa, Tracie and Brenda re-enacted what they thought happened. And for some reason, they imagined a fist fight occurred, so Melissa punched Brenda while Tracey laughed. I'm pretty sure that's exactly what went down that night. We don't have very long rap sheets, so a fist fight seemed pretty crime-y to us. We were having a grand old time until a cop rushed over telling us to get the eff away. Evidently it was an active crime scene. Well excuuuuuse us. We ran off across the street, only after touching a whole bunch of stuff cuz, I mean come on... who gets the chance to say they've tampered with evidence at a crime scene. You should try it. It's lots of fun.Tracie: Are you sure he didn't he say "get IN the van" ??
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I Wish I Knew How To Quit You
She's got priceless Andy Dick stories, maaaaajor family drama, encounters with whack-job celebs and just good old fashioned Hollywood gossip. I loves it. I loves her. What must I do to make her love me?!?
I hope for Terry's sake there's nothing good on TV tonight...cuz he won't be watching much of it.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
August 2009
This will be Grace's second year of school. Last year she started off a little unsure, then became the class bully, then the class clown, and now she basically runs the toddler classrooms. Her teacher jokes she's the student council president. She's a take charge kind of kid.
She will have her very first school picture taken in October, I cannot wait to see how that turns out. It will be her very first school picture ever. And I'm sure the one I will remember the most.
August has been a month full of play dates with their favorite friends, swimming parties, arts and crafts, and all around good old fashioned summer fun.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tidbits.
1. An Australian cockroach noted as heaviest insect in the world: If my real friends know one thing about me - it's that I'm deathly afraid of roaches. Dead or alive. Babies, adolescents, adults. Whatever stage of life they are in, they are disgusting little creatures. They have shimmery, greasy wings that want nothing more than to fly into curly hair and lay frothy eggs. Guh-ross. When I lived with my grandma in my early 20's, (don't laugh, we had fun) I ran down the stairs screaming there was a roach in my bathtub. She came upstairs and took one square of toilet paper off the roll, reached in the tub, grabbed its crunchy exoskeleton and ran toward me with it. I squirted her face with a can of aerosol hairspray and told her I would push her down if she came any closer to me with it. She laughed. I was serious.
2. My friend Laura: She just gave birth to triplets. TRIPLETS. GIRLS. THREE OF THEM. AT ONCE. God love her. She's accepting Tylenol PM gift baskets.
3. Jon Gosselin: He's still a dirt bag, just wanted to keep you in the loop.
4. Quentin Tarantino: HOW can people stand to listen to this annoying babbler?! His movies tell amazing stories themselves, but when he was on Conan last week, he attempted to tell a story about him and Brad Pitt in Pitt's living room drinking 5 bottles of wine together and it made NO SENSE and OMG I was so embarrassed just listening to him. I couldn't bear to watch. He might be creative and brilliant, but from 1 to 10, his dork-o-meter reads at an 11.
5. HBO Series, Hung: I love it!!! Because of the acting. Perverts. And because of Lenore.... she's such a bitch! But she's a witty bitch, who's smart. Everyone loves a smart, witty bitch. She cracks me up. I love Ray too. Cuz he's way hot. And his show is called Hung. And I might dream about him at night. And Honey, if you're reading this, the previous statement is pure fiction.
6. Chris Brown: He's still a dirt bag, just wanted to keep you in the loop.
7. Grace's name for muffins: "Nuffins." I pretend I don't hear her ask for them, and make her say it a bunch of times. Nuffins might be the cutest word ever.
8. The Duggar's are having their 19th child: Obviously, she's addicted to the Demerol drip after labor. I mean REALLY? 19 children? How whacked is her uterus by now?! How does her body even know when "it's time?" Does her uterus even contract anymore? I doubt it! After baby #13, I think she just hears crying and looks down to find a newborn squirming under the covers.
9. The Fresh Beat Band: If I have to hear that damned song one more time I'm going to throw myself onto an old rusty paring knife. For serious.
Tiny Dancer from Kara on Vimeo.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Come In! Please Excuse The Rotting Pumpkin In The Livingroom.
Ok. So. On Monday night, Terry and I caught the premier episode of the new A&E show Hoarders. And hot diggity dang you guys, these people are freaks!! I've heard of hoarders and seen Animal Planet episodes of people that have houses overflowing with hundreds of cats and there's fur and feces and crazy-eyed cats leaping from counter to counter, but this show actually lets you in on the fruitcakes themselves.
And speaking of fruitcakes y'all. Keep a bucket close by, because the episode we watched had us gagging and dry heaving on the couch. One lady was a food hoarder. She lived alone. She bought food, mostly fresh vegetables and fruit, and just never used them. Or would use a little bit of something then stick it in her fridge in the vegetable drawer and leave it there. For months. And months. And months. And it would decompose and basically melt from it's own rotting juices then she would go and peel off the outside 'bad part' and eat the rest. I will pause while you throw up a little bit in your mouth. Or throw up a lot. Cuz that shit's gross.
She also was a completely filthy person who had all kinds of crud in her house, furniture everywhere, and you should have seen her kitchen. There was not a 1/4 of an inch of empty space on her kitchen counters. It was all old food and rotted bananas or tomatoes. She had 2 year old sour cream in her fridge and when they asked her why she'd kept it, she responded with, "What's it gonna do? Go SOUR?!" B.A.R.F.
She had a clear plastic container of cornmeal or flour or something, and showed how she would only get rid of it after she saw traces of bugs inside. She added that anything that needed refrigeration was good indefinitely, because as long as it didn't "puff up", it was still okay to consume.
The camera crew came across a year old pumpkin that had been decomposing on her hardwood living room floor. They picked it up (while wearing gas masks and gloves) to show it to her, as it was dripping rotted liquid onto the floor, she attempted to pick a few seeds out of it - saying it was such a beautiful pumpkin she couldn't bare to get rid of it without keeping some of its seeds.
Grodie to the max.
I love it.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Mel's Bachelorette / Birthday Celebration
Maria Maria is Carlos Santana's restaurant, and the vibe was definitely interesting. Lots of glowing candles, loud music, pretty cool. We noticed a few tables over from us, Brad Womack (the Bachelor) was having dinner with a bunch of guys - which struck us as odd... where da women at? Never the less, he was there. Whoopdy do.
Renae hooked Mel up with a cake, and it was adorable! Not to mention, delicious!
After din din, we walked over to Six, and hung for a while before Toni and I decided we would call it a night. We were home at a decent hour like good girls. :)
Melissa, you are either smiling or laughing, and you go out of your way to make people feel comfortable and happy! You are such a sweetheart! I've had some really fun times with you girlie, and am glad I was able to make it out for your exciting adventure!Congratulations! November will be here in NO TIME! Costa Rica betta look out!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
(mini) Baldwin Family Reunion
Kudos on the location and corralling everyone together so fast! Job well done Momly!
I even brought my camera. I know! How odd! :)
The Salt Lick - A Mini Baldwin Family Reunion |
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Brenda, A Bra and Brooklyn Pie
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRENDA!
Brandey and Rachel prove that our crowd can make anybody do anything.
The Z Tejas crew.
After drinks we were still very much in the mood for fun and popped on over to Brooklyn Pie Co. to sit on the back patio and chitty chat.
Brenda channels her 21st birthday and shoots grape cough medicine. We are proud of you for actually finishing it Bren!
It wasn't long before I craved a slice of pizza, I just didn't know it would be enormous. We are pointing at its enormous-ness.
Accidentally turned on the 2-second self timer. Who actually uses that one??
Happy Birthday Brenda! We all had a blast ringing in your big day! It was a great night!