Monday, May 31, 2010

Some Stuff. That's Happened. Recently.

I've been really lazy lately with the whole blog thing. Well, lack of blogging due to laziness and the tiny fact that it's summer and I'm EXHAUSTED after the kids go to bed and that's usually when I blog.
The kids wear me out with the pool, bike riding, parks, picnics, jumpy castles, running, jumping, crazy-shit-that-kids-do, and when the sun goes down - I turn into a little old lady. 8:30 pm. rolls around and my face is covered in cold cream, I've got my old and tattered, flowy jammies on and and off to bed I go. The nights of blogging late into the evening are over during the summer. I'm just too tired. You never know though... maybe it will change and I will be bugging the hell out of you more frequently. Yay! I know! I'm super exciting!

My point with all of this... is here's some stuff. That's happened. Recently.

Yes. We did.
We met for coffee and cheesecake then hit the theater.

Look! It's CLAIRE! My sisters newest addition. She's cute!
Tiny little thing, with a tiny little mouth and tiny little hands and OMG newborns are tiny!

No matter how many times you tell a 3 and 4-year-old
about a newborns personal space... they WON'T LISTEN.

Lunch on Memorial Day at the Hula Hut with NONNIE!!

I could sop up their cuteness with a biscuit. That's actually really gross sounding. But you get my point.

My mom and her favorite youngest daughter.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Dignity Down The Drain

Poor Chelsea. She's embarrassed. She's humiliated.
The other cats in the neighborhood are surely talking shit about her.

 You can't deny the lion-cut is damn cute. Seriously. The fluffy tip on her tail is icing on the cake.

Can't you sense her excitement?

The girls pin down the backyard freak show to get a better look.

This post is lovingly dedicated to Lindsay, Rachel, and Brandey. Three special girlfriends who love me so much they can barely stand it. Meow Bitches.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Family Fun Day 5K

Last Sunday was Family Fun Day at the RR Diamond. Terry ran the 5K while the girls and I tried NOT to work up a sweat while playing a few fun games to win small prizes. Grace won a H-E-B pedometer, which, for the rest of the day she called her 'beeper'. Ava won a weird, flimsy red backpack thing, which she stored her brown, soggy, half eaten apple inside. We walked past one of the health booths and inside a huge plastic bin were hundreds of tiny, plastic band-aid holders. I initially took just one out of the bin, and the lady behind the table looked down at Ava and Grace and told me to take as many as I needed. I grabbed a big ass hand full. They might be in your stockings this year girls... Mommy's not kidding.

Terry with his two trainers.

I knew I wanted to get some pictures of the start of the race, and ended up standing half-way in the middle of the designated 'track' which annoyed some runners. But, most of the runners smiled at me on their way past and made funny faces at my camera. :)

This kid in jeans bolted off the line and ended up passing the lead car.
Needless to say, he did not hold that pace the entire way.

#489 kind of looks like a very happy Freddy Krueger. Just sayin'.

T-Dub crossing the finish line! Whoo hoo!

WHY are they squatting?!
WHY does Grace have the OlanMills-esque hand on the cheek?

Obstacle Course!
BTW: Grace + jumping jacks = TOTALLY HILARIOUS.

Everyone loves a good old fashioned bean bag toss!

It was a really fun afternoon! Maybe next year I will run WITH Terry.

BTW: Me + running (any distance) = TOTALLY HILARIOUS.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Useless and Exciting Bits-O-Info

Terry and I hit up Target today to search for a portable DVD player with dual screens for the girls. We found one on sale. Perfect. The Hungover Teenager... excuse me... The Target Associate, dilly dallied his way over toward us to remove it from the locked cabinet. We opened it, checked it out then decided that's the one we wanted. Then I remembered seeing something a couple of  years ago about an iPhone app that reads bar codes. I found the app on my phone and downloaded it. I scanned the bar code on the DVD thing and a plethora of information popped up in front of my very eyes.


Was I the last person on the planet to use this app? Where was I when the most awesomest, most totally rad bar code scanner app thing was all the rage??! Never mind you: Words With Friends, you're so boring compared to my new totally awesome Waste Of Time!

You guys, I'm like a BAR CODE BANDIT! Bandita! I mean. Cuz I'm a girl.

I came home and started scanning. I couldn't stop! I scanned the new lingerie I just bought for a girlfriend, and saw how much it was and where I could purchase it...even though I had just bought it and had the receipt in my back pocket.

I scanned the Pringle can in our pantry. I ran over to Terry to show him how it gave me a COMPLETE LISTING OF INGREDIENTS ETC., he rolled his eyes and peered around me to continue watching golf was just as amazed as I was!

I scanned our milk! And picture frames! And some unopened socks in my sock drawer! I'm addicted!

I scanned Slippers! Because she's a little bitch. And because I wanna know how much she's worth. I'll need to know that when I'm forced to decide if I will pay for surgery to remove that damn, green plastic leaf next to her left paw, that I know she's going to eat after I walk out of the room. And it will get all tangled up inside her intestine, just like the damn string I paid to remove from her flabby fat-sack, four years ago. Little Bitch.

Oh! And I scanned a book from Ava's room, cuz it had a bar code.

And a caricature of the girls on Halloween. They don't have a bar code. They are just super-cute and I wanted to rub in your face. Although contrary to the artist's opinion, Grace doesn't have a wonky eye.

Oh, and on a side note: My Grandma was digging underneath one of her guest beds yesterday and found my GLO WORM! I was 8 years-old when my dad gave it to me and my Grandma and I figured it had been under that bed for at least 15 years. That's what we determined after wiping off 15  inches of dust from its face.

circa 1985! Glo Butterfly's ROCKED!

And here's a pic of it in a dark bathroom.
You know you wanna play with it.

And fly it around in a dark bathroom and watch it glow.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Hooray For Mother's Day!

My sweet Honey took his three fabulous girl's to lunch this afternoon to celebrate Mother's Day. I decided this special day called for dresses, and Ava and Grace looked absolutely precious!
I did too, if I do say so myself. ;-)

"Can we play in the sand pit?" "Puhhleeeeeease?"

Mommy's Best Friend. :)

My love bug.

"Iceteem Daddy! It's told!"

Freckle faced Ava Loo.

My little love bugs!


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I Do Not See Dead People Kid. PLEASE LEAVE US ALONE.

My week in review. Drum roll please.

No, don't check your calendar, I'm aware it's only Tuesday.

~ Little Gracie is potty training. She's only had 4 accidents in the last month or so. The last three happened today and yesterday.

Incident 1: "Mommy: I tee tee on tarpet." (directly in front of the toilet) "Sorry sorry Mommy."
Incident 2: "Mommy: I went poo poo on the potty and wiped by myself! Tumm and see!" (Not so much an accident as, omgthat'ssogross,whyisitbrightgreen??)
Incident 3: "Mommy: I need go tee tee. Wait. No Mommy. I tee tee on tarpet." (directly in front of the toilet)

Good times. No one, by the way, needs to see the aftermath left from a three year old wiping her own poo. I'm still gagging. And by the way, why does eating blue icing do *THAT* to kid poo?

~ I have night terrors. They've decreased significantly the last few months or so, but last night I woke myself up screaming HOLY SHIT as loud as humanly possible. As it turns out, screaming HOLY SHIT in the middle of the night - as loud as humanly possible - is kind of hilarious. I had to peel Slippers off the ceiling after it happened, seeing that she was sound asleep next to my head. Which was even more hilarious. But seriously. From a deep sleep, to HOLY SHIT, is good times. Maybe I have Night Time Turrets Syndrome. N.T.T.S.
Yes. It's new.

~ I'm waiting, impatiently, for my sister to go into labor. I am so ready to meet her third tiny bundle! She's waiting to find out the sex of the baby, which by the way, for me is TORTURE!! Some of us aren't as patient as she is in waiting to find out... and it's kind of becoming a problem. I will be at her appointment tomorrow morning, and plan on slipping her doctor a twenty dollar bill to spill the goods. I'll tell her to wink once if it's a girl, twice for a boy. Or maybe I should re-think the $20.00. Because she probably makes that  in 30 seconds. Hmmf. I'll try to figure something out. Oh, and be prepared to see lots-o-baby pictures posted here within the next few days. Any minute actually. Tick Tock, Tick Tock Dana. Seriously. WE'RE WAITIIIIIIIIIIIING. The fact that you're incredibly uncomfortable in your last few days of pregnancy, and can barely walk, or eat, means nothing to us. Don't you care about our needs?

~ My neighbor and I were outside this afternoon, having a lovely conversation while sitting under the shade of a tree, when a little kid, whom neither of us has ever seen, rode up into her driveway on his bike. I can't really tell you everything he talked about, because I only remember one specific part of the conversation. The part where he asked us point blank: "Do either of you have a ghost?"

Uh... Excuse me for a moment, while a BIG ASS SHIVER runs down my spine. Hold on, another shiver.
He did not just say that!! This weirdo kid that came out of nowhere asks two strange women if they HAVE GHOSTS??

My response to his question was a prompt, "Umm, NO. Do YOU? Do YOU have a ghost?"

"Yes. I do." he said.

"Where?" I demanded.

"In my computer." he said. "He's very ugly and has a long tongue. And he drools. And his name is Mr. Boo."

OK KID. YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND SHUT THE EFF UP NOW!  I think I could have shit my pants right there. Doesn't this kid know any form of ghost-talk freaks people out?! Especially when it comes from a strange little kid! That appears out of nowhere! On a bike! Asking ghost questions! A kid that just moved here! And LIVES.ON.OUR.STREET! Has he never seen The Sixth Sense, for God's sake!? I thank the heavens that when I asked him where he sees his ghost, he didn't say, "He's standing right next to you." OMG. I would have fainted.

Then he rode away.

And that was it.

My neighbor went inside. I went inside. And while typing this post, he's pedaled past both of our houses twice.

I have a sneaking suspicion another night terror is in store for me tonight. HOLY SHIT.