It's Friday! A Great Day For Humiliation!

Last year, the morning of Picture Day at school was a huge nightmare. A total flop. Ava bitched and moaned about the outfit I'd chosen, complained about her shoes, complained about her hair... I changed her three times, it was an absolute nightmare. All the while Grace was banging her forehead on the tile floor attempting to prove just how far she will go to get my attention and make me hold her. It was a morning from hell.

Well goooooood morning! It's picture day again! JOY!

For this morning's pre-picture routine, I was prepared for the shit to hit the fan. But, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the The Picture Day Gods had spoken. And they said (amazingly) No Child Shall Bitch About What Is Placed Upon Their Bodies.

It's a frickin' miracle.

Both of my children kept their big mouths shut as I got them dressed this morning. Not a peep. Not a whimper. Not a "But Mom! I want to wear my flip flops!" or "Noooo Mommieeeee, I don't wanna wear tocks wiff my soooose!" They just sat there like limp noodles allowing me to shove arms and heads and legs into outfits I ACTUALLY PICKED OUT. It was a journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the twilight zone.

I can't go on with how easy that part of the morning was, without mentioning the fact that I was so fixated on the feeling of freedom from the lack of arguing going on in the house that I forgot there was more to getting them ready for school than their clothes. Like packing their drinks. And packing their snacks. And packing Ava's Show & Share item. And it was only when I shut off my car and opened the door in the school parking lot that I realized I forgot something way more important than food or liquid for my children. That feeling of freedom I was having - was not from an argument free morning - but from me not having on a bra. Holy shit. Not only did I forget that important part, but as I was apologizing to Ava's teacher for the lack of snacks, drinks, homework, etc., I let her in on my wardrobe shortage. Yea, I don't know why either. But for some reason I felt obligated to tell her. We're friends, but I guess not as good as I thought because when I told her, she didn't laugh or say "Girrrrrrrl please, I've done that before!", she threw her hand up over her mouth in shock. I'm not sure if she did that because I confessed to her that terrible tidbit of TMI... or because I'd said it right in front of a Dad who had been behind me the entire time trying get around me to let his kid into class.

When I was a senior in high school I was a brat and a total know-it-all, and that year my step-dad told me he was going to buy me tractor for Christmas so I could pull my head of of my ass. I could have used that tractor this morning.