Sunday, April 26, 2009

April 26th, 2003


Saturday, April 25, 2009

My Big Birthday Girl

Grace, my youngest darling, I just don't know where to begin.
In telling you what you mean to me, and what a blessing you have been.

Spending every single day, teaching you to learn and letting you grow,
You mean the whole world to me, your eyes, your smile, I love you so.
You have an obsession with noodles and take your vitamins like a champ,
If only I could teach you to stay off tables and leave alone the lamps.

You say AHHH when it's teeth brushing time and you tell me when you poo,
You make me laugh every day, Momma loves you sweet Gracie Loo.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Life Alert: She's Fallen And We Can't Get Her Up

My grandma has played bridge every single month, with the same group of women, for over 45 years.

Q: What do you expect these old lady BFF's to do when one of their own - blacks out and falls out of her chair onto a hard wood floor while playing?

A: Wander around and just wait for her to wake up! And continue playing their hands after she comes to! Duh! But for some reason (and this is where I became concerned) they neglected* to call the EMS after she dropped her iced tea then fell forward, face first, out of a chair and onto the floor unconscious.

Ummm. Perhaps we should look at some facts here.

1. Everyone is over the age of 80.
2. Everyone has had a serious medical scare at one point.
3. Everyone is over the age of 80.

Numbers 1 and 3 are pretty much the solid reasons WHY YOU CALL THE EMS WHEN YOU BLACK OUT FOR NO APPARENT REASON WHATSOEVER.

After blacking out, she awoke and apologized endlessly for delaying the game (??), and they decided to finish up playing. Finish up underneath the damn card table because none of them were strong enough to lift her back into her chair!!!

And the most hilarious part of all? My grandma took pictures of the entire thing.

*A little side note to all my BFF's out there: If I ever black out while doing something as non-strenuous as holding playing cards in one hand and an iced tea in the other, you best call the EMS pronto, DO NOT pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. Don't you dare just sit around and fan my face with spades and clubs. If I kick the bucket on your watch... I'll kick your ass later on when you meet me in Heaven.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Tears For Fears

I might as well just get it over with and go pull the entire roll of toilet paper out of guest bathroom, cuz I'm gonna need all 500 of the 4.5"x4.5" squares that Angel Soft has to offer. I just finished watching the most depressing movie on the face of the planet. And I did it while eating a bowl of tin roof ice cream, drizzled with chocolate syrup. It turns out I need about 6 more bowls in an attempt to fill the empty hole in my heart where joy and happiness once existed, since the ending of this movie ripped every ounce of it out.

Earlier this week Ava ran into my room with her hands over her eyes yelling "I don't like it Mommy! It's scary and I don't want to watch it!" I assumed she was watching another episode of Yo Gabba Gabba. (You know that show creeps you out too.) Turns out that wasn't what was scaring her, it was a movie called Halloweentown. Before you question my kickass TV parental control - it was on a kid friendly channel - thank you- but the people in the town walked around in scary costumes and stuff. Hence the whole "Halloween"town thing. Ava was really freaked out and I calmly put her in my lap explained it's just a movie honey, and that was that, she was all better.

Why can't I just tell myself it's just a movie, then calm down and go on with my evening? Why do I have to get all snotty and swollen eyed and drown my sorrows in an excess of creamy delicious Bluebell? This movie was based on obvious history, I'm aware of that, but my point is I get carried away into most movies well after they've ended. Especially with horror flicks. Terry is now used to the demand in me keeping the 150 watt overhead light on when we sleep if I've recently seen anything scary. I watched Hostel when I was pregnant with Ava and - holy shit - I jolted myself into false labor at least 3 times watching that freak show.

I carry those horrible thoughts to bed with me, and I always have. I have terrible night terrors. I've woken up at Terry's mom's house in the middle of the night screaming my head off. This has also happened at our friends house too, but that was way worse because I screamed Terry's name out loud. God knows they think I'm crazy or really, really, rude to do that in their guest room. (Hi Jeremy and Jennifer!) I swear it was a nightmare.

Hopefully one day my night terrors will come to an end and I will consistently sleep sound once again. Because if they don't, the nights of unintentionally smacking Terry in the face or accidentally catapulting Slippers from her warm sleeping spot on the bed, across the room and into the closet door will most likely continue. Sorry Slipps. I swear it was a nightmare.

The Boy In The Striped Pajamas. Grab a roll of toilet paper and press play.

We Are Some Beer Drinkin' Mother Pluckers

I mean last night we were beer drinking mothers - at Plucker's.

Yea, that's better.

Loved hanging with you chickies! XOXO!

We managed to stay in formation for the outside picture, too! We so crazy.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Hippity Hoppity ~ Easter's On Its Way!

Last night we set the girls up for a good ole fashioned night of Easter egg dying! We quickly determined that this art & craft in particular, might not have been well suited for sweet little Gracie -- as her favorite part of the experience was dumping the darkest color dye all over herself and the floor. Blow drying the plastic sleeves onto the eggs was Ava's favorite. And of course twirling them inside the bowls making sure they were evenly coated. She's quite the perfectionist, it turns out.
The Easter Bunny is currently hopping his way toward our house and it looks like his ETA is set for the butt-crack of dawn! Can't wait to see the girls' faces when they find he filled their baskets with fun surprises and treats!
Happy Easter everyone!
Hop it's a good one! ;-)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Happy Birthday To Mew

Slippers, you little bitch, you are 7 years old this month.
I love you. And apparently, so does Joey, who poked his
head in your picture without you knowing.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Secret Life of Bunnies

"Like, Hi! My name is Heather. I'm totally cute and I know it. I love playing with ladybugs and hate things that are grodie. Totally."

"My name is Fluffella. I used to live atop the Himalayan mountains. I now live on the end of my owners dust broom."

"Hulloh. My name is Bruno. I have a very deep voice. Somewhere underneath all of this dainty, white fur, I'm a very manly bunny. Unfortunately my fur has grown into both of my eye sockets and no one has noticed."

"My name is Spike. If you come any closer I will rip the cartilage out of your nose and use it to make a nest in the forest."

"Feefleurhooven. My name is Sven. I'm often mistaken for a miniature lion. I have no peripheral vision, for obvious reasons."

"I'm Tiddles. My front feet are small, but I can hop faster than all of my friends. I pee a little bit when I get excited and I have huge pupils."

"My name is Fang. I'm a ferret in bunny clothing. Right after this picture was taken, I spun my head around and bit off my owners arm."

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Please Welcome a New Member to the Dirty Thirties!

Happy Birthday Renae!

I'm so glad I was able to celebrate with you, you YOUNG THING!

See you soon!

(Click here for all of the pics!)