Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Shameless, I know.

She's been all alone for months because no one plays with her anymore. I walked into the garage the other day and there she was just sitting there quietly, looking pretty. She's depressed and misses the days of long brisk walks in the park, casual window shopping at the mall, and riding compactly in the trunk or back of the SUV. We still love her dearly, but just don't have much use for her any longer. She deserves a loving home. We are certain she will bring you days full of happiness and laughter. As that is all she knows how to do.

Enough of the B.S.!

Here are the details:
-Graco Duo Glider (Fortune) model needs a good home!
-She was born at Babies R Us and is healthy and strong!
-She comes from a great home with loving and hilarious owners.

Help a girl out. Momma needs a new pair of shoes.

Monday, February 23, 2009

February - Supper Club

I chose Kenobi for our February supper club dinner, I had been there once before, on our anniversary, and it was a hit once again! Unfortunately, all 13 of us girls weren't able to get together all at once, but the 8 of us had a fantastic time and we missed those that weren't with us.

Since it's February, the month of love, we had a little gift exchange - of sorts - and it definitely brought the laughs! I made the executive decision to forgo posting those. ;)

I love all of you girls, and for those of you that hadn't been to Kenobi before this night, I'm glad you enjoyed it! See you all next month!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Throw Your Jazz-Hands in the Air!

"Come here Ava, sit inside this ridiculously over sized potted tree thing and smile."

"Do something ballerina-ish."

"Come here Grace, sit on this ridiculously over sized fireplace and smile."

Mine is the one dressed in goth black.

Stretching for the routine chaos that ensues once they step onto a wooden floor with tap shoes.

All the single ladies... all the single ladies, put your hands UP!

Mr. Bear had almost as much fun as Ava. We will be back next week, hopefully without the borrowed tap shoes that were 2 sizes too big. Sorry honey. Mommy will try to get her shit together before then.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Music to My Ears

From the minute the girls woke up this morning, they both have been in Fantastic moods! Yes, with a capital F! Not only have they been sweet to one another, but Slippers and Joey have made it through almost a whole day without having their whiskers plucked out or their no-no holes poked by a certain blond toddler... they are in heaven! And speaking of heaven, it's almost 3 o'clock and I've yet to feel the need to take several shots of tequila Advil to help me through the day. Hallelujah y'all, miracles really do happen.

p.s. I'm not a complete ditz, there are two extra chairs for the purpose of discouraging any fighting over just one. I'm not asking for an argument between these two children. I get those without asking.

Keep an eye on little Gracie, all of the spinning has her equilibrium out of whack, and she falls all over the place. Poor thing can't even walk straight.

Musical Chairs from Kara on Vimeo.

Monday, February 16, 2009

I'm Sorry To Tell You, But...

You have been eliminated from the Amazing Race.

The premier aired last night! Lemme hear you say WHOOO HOO-N-STUFF! Love this show.

If Terry and I raced together, we would be the ones eliminated at the first pit stop. Not because we don't run fast, or have a fabulous sense of direction, or can't work hard... but because if the task involved eating anything other than cooked American food, I would quit right there on the spot. This has caused many a heated discussion in our household. [Terry throws scenarios at me such as: A million dollars. Eat one grasshopper.] OMG. You're out of your damn mind. I don't care if the damn grasshopper is alive or dead. Or has been simmering in a pot of bubbling bbq sauce with 'lil smokies, it ain't gonna happen. If it's not a nilla wafer or piece of ham, or something 99% of the people on the planet have eaten, I'm not gonna eat it. That pisses Terry off to no end.

Those racers who eat raw pulsating ox intestine or dried and crumbled up stomach lining, are freaking insane. WHO does that? WHY? I know the money is the main motivation for these people, but unless you are 100% sure you will be able to eat anything they tell you, WHY waste the 'trying' part? Then get over halfway through eating 9 of 15 meerkat eyeballs, and say, 'you know what? I just can't finish.' Just embrace being a failure and don't bother trying in the first place. Seriously. If you try, and you fail, you get nothing! Only meerkat eyeball breath, and nobody likes that.

Poor Terry, he gets so mad. Knowing I would so easily pass up that kind of money, money that would change our entire lives, for the rest of our entire lives... Tough shit, I say. Tough shit.

Remember Fear Factor? Or Tits Factor, as we called it because you weren't allowed on the show unless you had 38DDD breasts? I will never forget that one episode in Vegas... the girl had to eat a live spider to win a shit load of money. Not a light and airy, bouncing up and down, daddy long legs spider, but a pointy, crunchy, African cave dwelling spider with pincher's. YES. PINCHER'S. Pincher's that are more than capable of grasping onto that pink dangly thing hanging in the back of your throat and tearing it off. Nuh uh. No way jose. Bitch is crazy.

Sorry babe, I wouldn't eat a single microscopic bumble bee wing for a million dollars. Not even if it was covered in honey.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

My Funny Valentines

Happy Valentine's Day!


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

For God's Sake, Are You Serious?

I actually got out of bed tonight to come to the computer and type this. It's bothering me that much. The more and more I think about it, the more and more I want to replay how today went down.

Sometimes the girls get restless during the day and when they get sick of playing dress up or finger painting, they need to get out of the house for some fresh air. I'm talking about my kids, not my boobs, just to clarify. I go to the same park at least 3x a week. It's one of the few parks that is so big I can actually sit on a bench for longer than 3 minutes without having to corral Grace back into the park, most are so small. She's a runner, Grace. Runs like Forest. With her arms flailing and hair blowing. (Similar to what I look like roller skating, I'm still getting shit from you people for posting that.) I'm sitting on a bench and I hear a loud mouth man blabbing to some woman about shit I wasn't able to even understand because I was so focused on how LOUD he was talking. He makes it clear in a loud mouth manner that his daughter, who is now standing next to me eyeing my nilla wafers, needs to go back near him, and stop staring at the lady with the cookies. She ignores him, so he and the woman get up and head my direction. They ask if they can sit with me and after a couple of minutes, I ask the guy "So, do you come here often?" (I thought it was hysterical.) He did too, cuz I got a good laugh out of the guy. I NOW know it's because he was sloppy drunk off of sake he'd been drinking out a fucking plastic Dixie cup all afternoon. Not the big ones your kids use to rinse their mouth out after brushing their teeth, but the teeny weenie ones, that you put ketchup in at McDonald's. ?? He gushed about how he loved this particular park too, it was his 'drinking park'. WTF?!

We introduced our kids who were now playing together. He reaches down into an orange cooler and the moment I saw the black sake bottle, I kind of stared at him, like... is this a 20/20: What Would You Do sting? We are at a park. With kids. With HIS kids. It's 2:10 in the afternoon that's just effed up. He saw something else in my stare, because then he offered me some. After learning his wife is the one that works, and he's the stay at home dad, the girl who was with him - whom he referred to as his 'axillary wife' pulled out another Dixie cup. After I scanned the entire park for a camera crew and John QuiƱones, I realized these two jackasses were for real. They both had kids playing 3 feet in front of them! They were blitzed. I glanced away from them and Grace was no where to be found. I stood up. Looked left. Looked right. My heart began to thump and I got hot and ran over to the little girl she was playing with 10 seconds before. She had no clue. I checked the parking lot, I checked the street, I panicked, tears started forming and just before I took off into a full on run to scream at the other moms around me to look for the little girl in the flowery shirt, the drunk bastard yells "there she is!!" Playing with a shovel in the sand 40 feet away. I scooped her up and just squeezed. Squoze. Is it squeezed or squozed? I hugged that little turd so tight. Drunk Bastard saw I had panicked and shrugged it off with a laugh and said "don't you hate having those? Those 30 seconds when you can't find your kid?" WUT?! Like it happens all the time??!?! LISTEN DILLWEED!! Maybe if you weren't piss drunk in the middle of the afternoon from gulping sake at a park, and watching your kids instead, you wouldn't have so many of those Scary 30 Seconds you hate so much! omfg! Total pinhead, this guy.

I'm disappointed in myself. I watch those 20/20 episodes where 'actors' are on a date and the guy drops a pill in the girls drink, then they wait to see what bystander, if anyone, will say something. I always scream at the TV, saying I would have TOTALLY said something in a situation like that! But now... not so much. Giving myself a little bit of credit for keeping my big mouth shut, he did pull his kids on his bike to the park. But, that doesn't mean you can't endanger your kids' lives cuz you aren't 'behind the wheel'. Since he was an obnoxiously loud blabber mouth, and told me everything about himself, I knew where he lived, and clocked it on my way home. Over 3 miles. Past 2 major intersections. Dillweed.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


The baaaahh-bies! Introducing Cocoa, Nutmeg, and Spanky!

(Originally, there were only two, but my Aunt's neighbor had a prego goat, too, that gave birth to a baaahhby the exact same day, at the exact same time, (seriously) and she handed it over to my aunt to raise, since she was already taking care of two! So, now there are three! All the same age, and all the same level of cuteness! OFF THE CHART, CUTENESS!)

It was so hard to not strap them into our car seats, throw some cheerios at them and take them home. I mean, come on.... they are the size of small puppies, they prance and frolic, how can you not love something that frolics?? With soft fur, adorable faces and and little wagging tails! Then I remembered they grow like 3 inches a day, poop out dark pellets uncontrollably, and will soon begin to butt their little heads into shit around the house, and start to piss me off. Plus, we already have two little goats children at home.

I've always had a fascination with cows, oooohh sounds hot! But for serious, I'm totally scared to death of them and cling to the person next to me if I ever venture into the pasture. I've never really herd (get it) of anyone being attacked by a cow, but believe me, if anyone would have it happen, it's me. Cows have big teeth y'all. Cows have sharp pointy horns. Cows weigh a shit load more than I do. Cows make scary mooooo sounds. I could be chewed into cud for God's sake, or stabbed in my jugular by a horn or just moooooed all over and, no thank you, I'd rather keep my distance.

I see the evil in its eyes. Ready to break through the fence and eat me for dinner then digest me in one of its 4 stomachs.

Is this a curious cow? Or a killer that's plotting a stampede the moment I move from behind the tree?

Your general, run of the mill, goat frolicking picture.

I hope that formula has a DHA and ARA additive.

They are constantly nuzzling. And baaaahing. And jingling, because they wear bells. They wear bells people! Freaking. Cute.

Why does Terry look prouder than the day our girls were born? And yes. That's a reflective collar the goat is wearing. You can't be too careful.

Cocoa, me, Spanky and Terry. Cocoa got a little fresh right after this picture was taken. I don't blame him. I do smell good.

Water off a ducks back?

"Lemon Drop" needs a major bang trim.

Babies feeding babies.

Ava gives Dandy & Cactus get a pep talk.
Till next time. Toodles.

Ode To Melissa

We all love her dearly, she's so happy, smiley and sweet.
Melissa, Mexican food and Margs, you can't ask for a sweeter treat!

Last night we came together, and ate 'till the fat lady sings,
We're worth at least 100 grand, have you ever seen this much bling?!

We learned about each other, like none of us drink Scotches,
But OMG did you know they make LEFT HANDED WATCHES?!

We love their food and we love margaritas with lime,
But what we love the most, is having an old fashioned good time!

Some of us see each other often, and some of us do not,
That doesn't change the fact we love each other a whole lot!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

There She Is....Miss Americat

You've been waiting on a discussion about my cats, I know, so alas... wait no longer.

Joey. My sweet loving Joey. He's like the cute guy you know that's a complete moron... he's adorable and sweet, but my God he's as dumb as a box of rocks.

And Slippers. She's the Paris Hilton of cats. She knows she's hot shit and is constantly posing. Everywhere. She doesn't just sit on a table, or sit on the floor. I swear, she angles herself in the best lighting, anywhere in the house. She's thin, has great hair, and gorgeous green eyes. And an attitude the size of Texas. I can't blame her though. She is the Queen of this house and kicks Joey's ass a dozen times a day.

Poor Joey. He's such a little pinhead and stands no chance around her. He's always in the background... near her... yet far away in case she turns all psycho on him and decides to beat the hell out of his face and jumble up the marbles in his little pea brain.

This afternoon, I found Slippers on the dining room table, sitting in the beautiful rays of sunshine coming in through the window onto her fur she just conditioned with a VO5 hot oil treatment.
And of course, I find Joey, near her, yet far away... just in case. Constantly on the lookout, trying to stay one step away from another ass beating.

Look at her. In the perfect lighting, gazing out the window, imagining herself running through fields of daisies, chasing fluttering butterflies. And Joey is trying to remember to blink. Dimwit.

She prefers I shoot her right side only, as it makes her cheeks look fuller and shows off her perfect nose.

Joey's staring at a lone dust particle floating in the air.

Here she is bitching at me for telling her she had a double chin.

Joey's still fascinated by the dust particle.

Slippers decides the photo shoot is over. And what Slippers wants, Slippers gets.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Whoo hoo! What kid doesn't love a sleepover?! Kylie came over to play and stayed the night last night. I snapped a bunch-o-pics of the cute little cousins playing together.

Kylie loves to trace pictures from her books...

Ava loves to do anything that Kylie does...

Grace wrote the latest entry in her diary.

Slippers was uninspired and just held her green crayon the whole time.

Grace screamed as loud as she could in Kylie's face. Hilarious.

What sleepover is complete without the dress-up part?!

Practicing their synchronized princess twirls for the royal ball.

Jumping on the bed was allowed. Until Grace flew off onto the floor. Oops.

Rocker Princess!

Three peas in a pod.

After a few bedtime stories, the three fairy princesses fell fast asleep.