The Velvet Devil Gave Me Hives

I swear the weirdest shit happens to me. There was The Innocent Run On The Beach that turned into a nearly deadly asthma attack, The Spoonful Of Honey I Swallowed In New Mexico that nearly killed me, and as of last night... The Glasses Of Red Wine that resulted in hives (is it always plural??) across my entire back and chest. And wait a minute.... when is ever singular? Can it ever be just a hive? Why is it always plural? How come I can't get a single hive? Why are they always grouped together to form hives? That shit isn't fair! Because those bitches itch! And burn! And look SO DAMN GROSS!

I remembered to remain calm and ran to the kitchen to find the Benadryl, because I'm always a complete fucking spazz as cool as a cucumber in emergency situations. I dug thru the medicine cabinet and found Ava's Children's Benadryl. Hmpf. Well, clearly, I'm not a child. Even though that might actually be up for debate, I at least I weigh more than a child. I contemplated taking the 2 yrs. - 6 yrs. old dose, and decided I fit more comfortably into the 6 yrs. - 11 yrs. old category. Totally. And since I'm a talented Math Whiz, I quickly calculated a formula to ensure the exact dosing measurement recommended for my weight/age combination. I poured a whole bunch into one of Grace's princess cups and guzzled. This was NO TIME FOR LOLLY GAGGING PEOPLE! At any moment I could have swelled up into One Giant Hive! OMG! Then it would have been singular! I answered my own question! Neat!

I don't get why they recommend you Do Not Drink Alcohol While Taking Their Medication...because...ummm...I totally recommend it!!! I woke up this morning, my hives were gone and I barely remember having them!