Grace's Magic Trick and a Journey into Another Dimension

Enough is enough you little toot. I give up. Now show me your trick.

I've sat Grace down several times this morning to get her to tell me where on Earth she put the remote for the living room TV. She answers with: "What's That" and then Mooooo's at me. It's gone. Disappeared. Vanished into thin air. We checked trash cans, toy bins, drawers, under couches, laundry baskets, it's NO WHERE TO BE FOUND. The remote for our bedroom TV doubles as a replacement but it won't work the volume. We actually have to walk ALLLL THEEEE WAYYYYY over to the set to adjust it by gasp! hand. Torture. Thank God we have the other one because if I was unable (God forbid) to get to channel 150 for Little Bill or Max and Ruby - the kids would over throw the household and we would be at their mercy. We don't want that. No. We. Don't. So, until we find the remote or order a new one I will continue to walk 8 steps there and back, way out of my way, 15 times a day to adjust the volume. I'm unsure how much longer I can actually function under these conditions.

Speaking of functioning under these conditions, when we returned from out of town Sunday afternoon we expected to walk in our front door to find my mom half dressed and disheveled, chasing Grace around, and for the whole house to be in disarray. No. Not so much. Instead we walked into a strange scent I didn't recognize.........candles.... And air freshener. And that fluffy fabric softener smell. Oh how I love fluffy fabric softener smell. Mmmmm. And jazz music playing from the television. WHAT KIND OF CALM SHIT IS GOING ON IN THIS HOUSE AND HOW COME I CAN'T MAKE THAT HAPPEN???!!! OR BE HERE WHILE THAT SHIT IS HAPPENING?

My laundry was all folded perfectly on the dryer, every inch of kitchen counter was twinkling from lemon-scented 409. Shit straight out of the Twilight Zone.