Dace Wose

For as long as we can remember, Terry and I have had to physically lay with Grace in her bed until she fell asleep at night. That was our doing, of course, but it became quite an ordeal and it shaved a huge chunk of time off of our evening together. One of us would stay with her, watch her fall asleep, then attempt to exit her room with the agility of a ninja as to not awaken the sleeping princess.

Let me tell you how excited I am to say those days are OVAH.

It took a few nights of adjusting, but now she goes to bed like a big girl, falls asleep on her own and we finally get our evening back.

Last night, a few minutes after tucking her in, Grace walks up to us on the couch and says,
"Mommy, tan you tie this sting around my wobe?" "Sure, honey. Now please get back to bed."

She disappeared back down the hallway into her room.

Ten minutes later we found her like this:

Santa Barbara | July 2010

I'm back from sunny California and my oh my, I can't wait to share how much fun I had!

It was such a FANTASTIC trip!

For my very first time in CA, lemme tell you how lucky I am to have had it be Santa Barbara I visited first!
I will forever compare the next city I visit in Cali to sweet SB. It definitely set the bar high as far as beauty is concerned. The beaches were gorgeous, coupled with bright blue skies, cool breezes, and mountain/ocean views. Three days to wander around and find great lunch spots, boutiques, and a seat on an outdoor patio to enjoy one of many frothy and delicious adult beverages.

I flew in with Renae and Jeff on Thursday morning, Melissa and Chris arrived later that evening and Tricia and Laura came in Friday afternoon. So, most of us spent three full days exploring, laughing, eating, drinking, shopping, and relaxing! We managed to get in a ton of play-time before the Big Event on Saturday evening. And I managed to fall in love with Santa Barbara in just those three days.

Brett and Annemarie were married at the Firestone Winery in Santa Ynez Valley on "Seven.Ten.Ten."

I must say, the wedding location was absolutely stunning, as was the bride, sweet Annemarie.

Mr. and Mrs. Brett Bollman - Check out her shoes!!

 Brett and Annemarie!

Tricia, Melissa, Laura, Me

  

Dinner at Hungry Cat!   

Drinks on State Street

The water was fuh-reezing!

Beautiful scenery every where I turned...

                                                            Oh Yes I did. And it was FUN!

The Bride and her girls!

My favorites: bougainvillea and alstroemeria in the Gardens at The Biltmore / Four Seasons

Wine tasting at Firestone

**Open album below for complete set of pics**

Santa Barbara, California

Chagrin Falls

Every two years, Terry's sister Missy opens up her home to host their Wildenhaus Family Reunion. About 20 peeps attended this year, and Ava and Grace were able to spend quality time and hang with 9 of their cousins. Terry and I were definitely able to relax and unwind while the Big kiddos took over playing with and watching the Little kiddos for the entire visit. Awesome!

Our flights this time around were soooo much easier than the last. We didn't have to worry about when was the perfect time to give the baby a bottle, do her ears hurt, does she need Tylenol, when will she stop screaming, crap - she crapped, WHY isn't there a changing table in the airplane bathroom, the list went on and on and on.

The only special item we brought for the girls this time was GUM!

Done! Easy!

We spent 6 days with family, food, games and laughs! We scored with the weather, it was gorgeous! Chagrin is so beautiful, lush and green. Stepping away from the 100 degree temps for a while was amazingly refreshing. As was being with family we haven't seen in far too long.
So much fun was had by all!

Chagrin Falls, Ohio - Summer 2010

Thank you Missy and Andy! We love you!

Even Curious George Isn't THAT Curious

1. *WHO  in the HELL would do that?

2. *WHY?

3. *WHY  in the HELL would you do that?

*ANSWER KEY:

1. Grace and Ava.

2. Because they are 3 and 4.

3. Ahem. Because they are 3 and 4.

Just like every other afternoon, this particular one I found myself wandering around the house, picking up tiny disasters left from living with two children under the age of five. I heard the girls in their bathroom. I do a walk-by and find Grace on a step stool (there is a certain irony in the term: step stool) talking to herself in the mirror, and Ava is behind her, going potty.

I leave them alone and continue picking up their messes around the house. (There is a certain irony in that phrase.)

Hysterical laughing is now coming from their bathroom. Followed with an "UH OH" and a "OH,WOW!"

Hearing those three things, coupled with the fact they are coming from TINY PEOPLE who are in
A BATHROOM, I became immediately concerned.

I marched in there as fast as I could and found the most.disturbing.event.EVER had taken place just moments prior.

If you do not wish to find out what the most.disturbing.event.EVER is, then you best X out of this Internet window.

The girls were USING A FLASHLIGHT TO LOOK AT AVA'S POOP AS IT SAT IN THE BOTTOM OF THE TOILET.

I'm sorry if you just gagged.

I'm even sorrier if you gag again when I tell you not only were they looking at the poop as it sat in the bottom of the toilet, but they put the flashlight INTO the toilet to do this. I found out that Ava dropped it DIRECTLY ONTO her poop, in order to shine the florescent beam of wonder onto her under-water excrement.

I KNOW.

THERE ARE NO WORDS.

Please be advised, just as a precaution... try to wait at least an hour or so before eating anything after reading this. I wasn't so careful and tried to eat a chocolate chip granola bar a little while ago, and well - IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA. This disturbing scenario is likely to replay in your head several times, because after all, it IS the most.disturbing.event.EVER.

And what's so shitty about it (besides that hilarious pun) is the fact that I'M the one who suffers after something like this happens. Not YOU. You just gag and then move on with your life. This is ETCHED into my brain. A burning beacon of blue light illuminating something that should NEVER BE ILLUMINATED.

The horror!!

My children aren't the one's who suffer from this event happening either. Sure, I shuttled their tiny butts down the hallway and into their room's and promptly slammed their door's. But I'm the one who had to get the damn flashlight out of the toilet!

Poor little Ava can barely stand to touch anything even remotely dirty, so you can imagine how the punishment of simply holding the plastic bag with her poop covered flashlight inside, was difficult for her.

And as an extra punishment, that she will only experience when she's old enough for Internet access,
I present to you:

I Keep On Knocking But I Can't Come In

How was my evening tonight, you ask?

Why, it was GRAND.

NO.

SUPER GRAND.

SUPER GRAND WITH A BIG FAT SIDE OF BUSTED UP RIGHT-CHEEK BONE.

Obviously, there's a story here... and please allow me to preface this story by expressing how much I love my children. I love them like a fat kid loves cake. I gotta have them. I gotta eat them up as often as possible. Because they are adorable. And hilarious. And I digress.

There might be some foul language in this story. Not really directed AT my kids, Grace, in particular, who is the STAR of this story, but foul language directed mostly at her actions earlier this evening. Her action. Singular, actually.

---

I hear my cell phone ring. I stop. I listen. The ringing is coming from my bedroom.

I run from the laundry room, down the hall, dodge a small choo-choo train, leap over a plastic shovel and I get to my bedroom door.

I grabbed the door handle, with lots of momentum, (keep in mind I'm running)  and SLAM FACE FIRST INTO THE FUCKING DOOR.

It's locked.

I let out a little laugh, because OMG if Terry would have seen it, he would have been on the floor "ROFLMAO." (Or whatever the kids are saying these days.) Then - the pain hits and and I let out a little whimper. And then I feel the steam shooting out of my ears like it does in the cartoons. "GIIIIIIRRRRRLLLLLSSSSSS!!!!!!!"

Ava gets to me first, because, hellllloooo, she just felt the entire house shake from her mom SLAMMING FACE FIRST INTO THE FUCKING DOOR.

Ava happily tattles on Grace, and says she's the one who locked it.

I grabbed Grace and warned her about locking doors. And sternly said "What if there was a fire and you were trapped and Mommy couldn't get to you?" And blah blah, trying to make it sound serious. She starts BALLING. Huge tears, and everything.  "I scared of locked doors wiffout you Mommy!" "I don't want fire, Mommy!"

---

The key won't work. I walked around the house locking the other bedroom door knobs and of course it works for EVERY OTHER DAMNED DOOR IN THE HOUSE EXCEPT FOR THE ONE THAT IS LOCKED FOR REAL.

---

So here I sit. At the computer. Blogging.

I could catch up on Words With Friends. I could answer my phone when it rings. I could play a stupid game. I could do without the huge knot I have on my right cheek from SLAMMING FACE FIRST INTO A FUCKING DOOR. But I can't do any of those things. Because my phone is still trapped behind a damn door.

I could not be so upset with Grace. I could sneak into her room, crawl across her floor, pick her up and rock her in my arms while singing "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be," you know, like that creepy old lady did in that one book?

I definitely will not do that. That's way creepy. I don't care what you say.

I'll settle for making her favorite blueberry pancakes in the morning, look her in the eyes and tell her Mommy's sorry for getting so upset. Then she will ask why my face is purple, and I will let her do one of her most favorite things: bandage me up with one of her Hello Kitty band-aids.

That will make it all better. :)

That,  and hopefully Terry gets home soon to figure out a way to open the damn thing.

Some Stuff. That's Happened. Recently.

I've been really lazy lately with the whole blog thing. Well, lack of blogging due to laziness and the tiny fact that it's summer and I'm EXHAUSTED after the kids go to bed and that's usually when I blog.
The kids wear me out with the pool, bike riding, parks, picnics, jumpy castles, running, jumping, crazy-shit-that-kids-do, and when the sun goes down - I turn into a little old lady. 8:30 pm. rolls around and my face is covered in cold cream, I've got my old and tattered, flowy jammies on and and off to bed I go. The nights of blogging late into the evening are over during the summer. I'm just too tired. You never know though... maybe it will change and I will be bugging the hell out of you more frequently. Yay! I know! I'm super exciting!

My point with all of this... is here's some stuff. That's happened. Recently.

Yes. We did.

We met for coffee and cheesecake then hit the theater.

SUPER FUN! SUPER FUNNY!

Look! It's CLAIRE! My sisters newest addition. She's cute!

Tiny little thing, with a tiny little mouth and tiny little hands and OMG newborns are tiny!

No matter how many times you tell a 3 and 4-year-old

about a newborns personal space... they WON'T LISTEN.

Lunch on Memorial Day at the Hula Hut with NONNIE!!

I could sop up their cuteness with a biscuit. That's actually really gross sounding. But you get my point.

My mom and her favorite youngest daughter.

Dignity Down The Drain

Poor Chelsea. She's embarrassed. She's humiliated.
The other cats in the neighborhood are surely talking shit about her.

 You can't deny the lion-cut is damn cute. Seriously. The fluffy tip on her tail is icing on the cake.

Can't you sense her excitement?

The girls pin down the backyard freak show to get a better look.

This post is lovingly dedicated to Lindsay, Rachel, and Brandey. Three special girlfriends who love me so much they can barely stand it. Meow Bitches.

Family Fun Day 5K

Last Sunday was Family Fun Day at the RR Diamond. Terry ran the 5K while the girls and I tried NOT to work up a sweat while playing a few fun games to win small prizes. Grace won a H-E-B pedometer, which, for the rest of the day she called her 'beeper'. Ava won a weird, flimsy red backpack thing, which she stored her brown, soggy, half eaten apple inside. We walked past one of the health booths and inside a huge plastic bin were hundreds of tiny, plastic band-aid holders. I initially took just one out of the bin, and the lady behind the table looked down at Ava and Grace and told me to take as many as I needed. I grabbed a big ass hand full. They might be in your stockings this year girls... Mommy's not kidding.

Terry with his two trainers.

I knew I wanted to get some pictures of the start of the race, and ended up standing half-way in the middle of the designated 'track' which annoyed some runners. But, most of the runners smiled at me on their way past and made funny faces at my camera. :)

This kid in jeans bolted off the line and ended up passing the lead car.

Needless to say, he did not hold that pace the entire way.

#489 kind of looks like a very happy Freddy Krueger. Just sayin'.

T-Dub crossing the finish line! Whoo hoo!

WHY are they squatting?!

WHY does Grace have the OlanMills-esque hand on the cheek?

Obstacle Course!

BTW: Grace + jumping jacks = TOTALLY HILARIOUS.

Everyone loves a good old fashioned bean bag toss!

It was a really fun afternoon! Maybe next year I will run WITH Terry.

BTW: Me + running (any distance) = TOTALLY HILARIOUS.

Useless and Exciting Bits-O-Info

Terry and I hit up Target today to search for a portable DVD player with dual screens for the girls. We found one on sale. Perfect. The Hungover Teenager... excuse me... The Target Associate, dilly dallied his way over toward us to remove it from the locked cabinet. We opened it, checked it out then decided that's the one we wanted. Then I remembered seeing something a couple of  years ago about an iPhone app that reads bar codes. I found the app on my phone and downloaded it. I scanned the bar code on the DVD thing and a plethora of information popped up in front of my very eyes.

OMG YA'LL.

Was I the last person on the planet to use this app? Where was I when the most awesomest, most totally rad bar code scanner app thing was all the rage??! Never mind you: Words With Friends, you're so boring compared to my new totally awesome Waste Of Time!

You guys, I'm like a BAR CODE BANDIT! Bandita! I mean. Cuz I'm a girl.

I came home and started scanning. I couldn't stop! I scanned the new lingerie I just bought for a girlfriend, and saw how much it was and where I could purchase it...even though I had just bought it and had the receipt in my back pocket.

I scanned the Pringle can in our pantry. I ran over to Terry to show him how it gave me a COMPLETE LISTING OF INGREDIENTS ETC., he rolled his eyes and peered around me to continue watching golf was just as amazed as I was!

I scanned our milk! And picture frames! And some unopened socks in my sock drawer! I'm addicted!

I scanned Slippers! Because she's a little bitch. And because I wanna know how much she's worth. I'll need to know that when I'm forced to decide if I will pay for surgery to remove that damn, green plastic leaf next to her left paw, that I know she's going to eat after I walk out of the room. And it will get all tangled up inside her intestine, just like the damn string I paid to remove from her flabby fat-sack, four years ago. Little Bitch.

Oh! And I scanned a book from Ava's room, cuz it had a bar code.

And a caricature of the girls on Halloween. They don't have a bar code. They are just super-cute and I wanted to rub in your face. Although contrary to the artist's opinion, Grace doesn't have a wonky eye.

Oh, and on a side note: My Grandma was digging underneath one of her guest beds yesterday and found my GLO WORM! I was 8 years-old when my dad gave it to me and my Grandma and I figured it had been under that bed for at least 15 years. That's what we determined after wiping off 15  inches of dust from its face.

circa 1985! Glo Butterfly's ROCKED!

And here's a pic of it in a dark bathroom.

You know you wanna play with it.

And fly it around in a dark bathroom and watch it glow.

Hooray For Mother's Day!

My sweet Honey took his three fabulous girl's to lunch this afternoon to celebrate Mother's Day. I decided this special day called for dresses, and Ava and Grace looked absolutely precious!
I did too, if I do say so myself. ;-)

"Can we play in the sand pit?" "Puhhleeeeeease?"

Mommy's Best Friend. :)

My love bug.

"Iceteem Daddy! It's told!"

Freckle faced Ava Loo.

My little love bugs!

~HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY~

I Do Not See Dead People Kid. PLEASE LEAVE US ALONE.

My week in review. Drum roll please.

No, don't check your calendar, I'm aware it's only Tuesday.

~ Little Gracie is potty training. She's only had 4 accidents in the last month or so. The last three happened today and yesterday.

Incident 1: "Mommy: I tee tee on tarpet." (directly in front of the toilet) "Sorry sorry Mommy."
Incident 2: "Mommy: I went poo poo on the potty and wiped by myself! Tumm and see!" (Not so much an accident as, omgthat'ssogross,whyisitbrightgreen??)
Incident 3: "Mommy: I need go tee tee. Wait. No Mommy. I tee tee on tarpet." (directly in front of the toilet)

Good times. No one, by the way, needs to see the aftermath left from a three year old wiping her own poo. I'm still gagging. And by the way, why does eating blue icing do *THAT* to kid poo?

~ I have night terrors. They've decreased significantly the last few months or so, but last night I woke myself up screaming HOLY SHIT as loud as humanly possible. As it turns out, screaming HOLY SHIT in the middle of the night - as loud as humanly possible - is kind of hilarious. I had to peel Slippers off the ceiling after it happened, seeing that she was sound asleep next to my head. Which was even more hilarious. But seriously. From a deep sleep, to HOLY SHIT, is good times. Maybe I have Night Time Turrets Syndrome. N.T.T.S.
Yes. It's new.

~ I'm waiting, impatiently, for my sister to go into labor. I am so ready to meet her third tiny bundle! She's waiting to find out the sex of the baby, which by the way, for me is TORTURE!! Some of us aren't as patient as she is in waiting to find out... and it's kind of becoming a problem. I will be at her appointment tomorrow morning, and plan on slipping her doctor a twenty dollar bill to spill the goods. I'll tell her to wink once if it's a girl, twice for a boy. Or maybe I should re-think the $20.00. Because she probably makes that  in 30 seconds. Hmmf. I'll try to figure something out. Oh, and be prepared to see lots-o-baby pictures posted here within the next few days. Any minute actually. Tick Tock, Tick Tock Dana. Seriously. WE'RE WAITIIIIIIIIIIIING. The fact that you're incredibly uncomfortable in your last few days of pregnancy, and can barely walk, or eat, means nothing to us. Don't you care about our needs?

~ My neighbor and I were outside this afternoon, having a lovely conversation while sitting under the shade of a tree, when a little kid, whom neither of us has ever seen, rode up into her driveway on his bike. I can't really tell you everything he talked about, because I only remember one specific part of the conversation. The part where he asked us point blank: "Do either of you have a ghost?"

Uh... Excuse me for a moment, while a BIG ASS SHIVER runs down my spine. Hold on, another shiver.
He did not just say that!! This weirdo kid that came out of nowhere asks two strange women if they HAVE GHOSTS??

My response to his question was a prompt, "Umm, NO. Do YOU? Do YOU have a ghost?"

"Yes. I do." he said.

"Where?" I demanded.

"In my computer." he said. "He's very ugly and has a long tongue. And he drools. And his name is Mr. Boo."

OK KID. YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND SHUT THE EFF UP NOW!  I think I could have shit my pants right there. Doesn't this kid know any form of ghost-talk freaks people out?! Especially when it comes from a strange little kid! That appears out of nowhere! On a bike! Asking ghost questions! A kid that just moved here! And LIVES.ON.OUR.STREET! Has he never seen The Sixth Sense, for God's sake!? I thank the heavens that when I asked him where he sees his ghost, he didn't say, "He's standing right next to you." OMG. I would have fainted.

Then he rode away.

And that was it.

My neighbor went inside. I went inside. And while typing this post, he's pedaled past both of our houses twice.

I have a sneaking suspicion another night terror is in store for me tonight. HOLY SHIT.

Chelsea Chelsea BANG BANG, BABY!

It sucks to say, but... this post will in NO WAY represent the actual energy and excitement felt by everyone involved in Last Friday's: Seven In The City Adventure. I can try to explain how much fun all of us experienced, but, you still wouldn't be able to grasp it. The only way you will get a feel for what really happened is through viewing the pictures. And um... I think I took about 200. Oh, hush. Don't be all surprised and and shit. You know damn well if you throw 7 buzzed women into a stretch hummer with no curfew and a designated driver... only about 5 of the 200 pictures will be safe for public viewing. Plus, I'm sure more than half of you reading this are blog stalkers and would do whoknowswhat with the pictures.

So, sorry. Deal.

The evening began at Tracie's house. We were sipping champagne and discussing various subjects regarding all-things-fabulous, as per usual, when Tracie's husband, Cory, came into the kitchen and informed us our ride was outside. Tracie's son was driving all of us crazy Baby Momma's downtown and back...so we filed outside to jump in his ride. Except HIS RIDE wasn't in the driveway. A HUGE WHITE HUMMER LIMO THING was there, instead.

Get the #$&* out!!!

OMG!

It's like PROM!!!

Seven In The City

!!!Cheers!!!

1st stop... the liquor store.

2nd stop... Trudy's.

We made it!!!!

There are two of us missing in this picture.

Someone might have lost their ticket, and the other person might have helped her retrace her steps.

It had NOTHING to do with the 1st or 2nd stops we made. :)

Drink, check!

Ticket, check!

Huge, slow moving crowd, check!

Jo Koy opened for Chelsea, he was HILAR!

CHELSEA HANDLER!!!

Her show was hilarious, we cracked up until we cried.

This was one night I will remember for a very long time.

Spending time with my homegirls... chatting, smiling and laughing, all night long.

Special thanks to both Cory and Tracie...

for everything you did to make this night AWE.SOME!

I'm pretty sure this is about all we remember of our ride home. =)

Oh. And this.