I Do Not See Dead People Kid. PLEASE LEAVE US ALONE.

My week in review. Drum roll please.

No, don't check your calendar, I'm aware it's only Tuesday.

~ Little Gracie is potty training. She's only had 4 accidents in the last month or so. The last three happened today and yesterday.

Incident 1: "Mommy: I tee tee on tarpet." (directly in front of the toilet) "Sorry sorry Mommy."
Incident 2: "Mommy: I went poo poo on the potty and wiped by myself! Tumm and see!" (Not so much an accident as, omgthat'ssogross,whyisitbrightgreen??)
Incident 3: "Mommy: I need go tee tee. Wait. No Mommy. I tee tee on tarpet." (directly in front of the toilet)

Good times. No one, by the way, needs to see the aftermath left from a three year old wiping her own poo. I'm still gagging. And by the way, why does eating blue icing do *THAT* to kid poo?

~ I have night terrors. They've decreased significantly the last few months or so, but last night I woke myself up screaming HOLY SHIT as loud as humanly possible. As it turns out, screaming HOLY SHIT in the middle of the night - as loud as humanly possible - is kind of hilarious. I had to peel Slippers off the ceiling after it happened, seeing that she was sound asleep next to my head. Which was even more hilarious. But seriously. From a deep sleep, to HOLY SHIT, is good times. Maybe I have Night Time Turrets Syndrome. N.T.T.S.
Yes. It's new.

~ I'm waiting, impatiently, for my sister to go into labor. I am so ready to meet her third tiny bundle! She's waiting to find out the sex of the baby, which by the way, for me is TORTURE!! Some of us aren't as patient as she is in waiting to find out... and it's kind of becoming a problem. I will be at her appointment tomorrow morning, and plan on slipping her doctor a twenty dollar bill to spill the goods. I'll tell her to wink once if it's a girl, twice for a boy. Or maybe I should re-think the $20.00. Because she probably makes that  in 30 seconds. Hmmf. I'll try to figure something out. Oh, and be prepared to see lots-o-baby pictures posted here within the next few days. Any minute actually. Tick Tock, Tick Tock Dana. Seriously. WE'RE WAITIIIIIIIIIIIING. The fact that you're incredibly uncomfortable in your last few days of pregnancy, and can barely walk, or eat, means nothing to us. Don't you care about our needs?

~ My neighbor and I were outside this afternoon, having a lovely conversation while sitting under the shade of a tree, when a little kid, whom neither of us has ever seen, rode up into her driveway on his bike. I can't really tell you everything he talked about, because I only remember one specific part of the conversation. The part where he asked us point blank: "Do either of you have a ghost?"

Uh... Excuse me for a moment, while a BIG ASS SHIVER runs down my spine. Hold on, another shiver.
He did not just say that!! This weirdo kid that came out of nowhere asks two strange women if they HAVE GHOSTS??

My response to his question was a prompt, "Umm, NO. Do YOU? Do YOU have a ghost?"

"Yes. I do." he said.

"Where?" I demanded.

"In my computer." he said. "He's very ugly and has a long tongue. And he drools. And his name is Mr. Boo."

OK KID. YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND SHUT THE EFF UP NOW!  I think I could have shit my pants right there. Doesn't this kid know any form of ghost-talk freaks people out?! Especially when it comes from a strange little kid! That appears out of nowhere! On a bike! Asking ghost questions! A kid that just moved here! And LIVES.ON.OUR.STREET! Has he never seen The Sixth Sense, for God's sake!? I thank the heavens that when I asked him where he sees his ghost, he didn't say, "He's standing right next to you." OMG. I would have fainted.

Then he rode away.

And that was it.

My neighbor went inside. I went inside. And while typing this post, he's pedaled past both of our houses twice.

I have a sneaking suspicion another night terror is in store for me tonight. HOLY SHIT.