You have been eliminated from the Amazing Race.
The premier aired last night! Lemme hear you say WHOOO HOO-N-STUFF! Love this show.
If Terry and I raced together, we would be the ones eliminated at the first pit stop. Not because we don't run fast, or have a fabulous sense of direction, or can't work hard... but because if the task involved eating anything other than cooked American food, I would quit right there on the spot. This has caused many a heated discussion in our household. [Terry throws scenarios at me such as: A million dollars. Eat one grasshopper.] OMG. You're out of your damn mind. I don't care if the damn grasshopper is alive or dead. Or has been simmering in a pot of bubbling bbq sauce with 'lil smokies, it ain't gonna happen. If it's not a nilla wafer or piece of ham, or something 99% of the people on the planet have eaten, I'm not gonna eat it. That pisses Terry off to no end.
Those racers who eat raw pulsating ox intestine or dried and crumbled up stomach lining, are freaking insane. WHO does that? WHY? I know the money is the main motivation for these people, but unless you are 100% sure you will be able to eat anything they tell you, WHY waste the 'trying' part? Then get over halfway through eating 9 of 15 meerkat eyeballs, and say, 'you know what? I just can't finish.' Just embrace being a failure and don't bother trying in the first place. Seriously. If you try, and you fail, you get nothing! Only meerkat eyeball breath, and nobody likes that.
Poor Terry, he gets so mad. Knowing I would so easily pass up that kind of money, money that would change our entire lives, for the rest of our entire lives... Tough shit, I say. Tough shit.
Remember Fear Factor? Or Tits Factor, as we called it because you weren't allowed on the show unless you had 38DDD breasts? I will never forget that one episode in Vegas... the girl had to eat a live spider to win a shit load of money. Not a light and airy, bouncing up and down, daddy long legs spider, but a pointy, crunchy, African cave dwelling spider with pincher's. YES. PINCHER'S. Pincher's that are more than capable of grasping onto that pink dangly thing hanging in the back of your throat and tearing it off. Nuh uh. No way jose. Bitch is crazy.
Sorry babe, I wouldn't eat a single microscopic bumble bee wing for a million dollars. Not even if it was covered in honey.
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3 comments:
LOL You're freaking hilarious.
I asked my boyfriend if he would eat an African cave dwelling spider for a million dollars. He said, "I ate a bug this big (approx. 6 inches) in high school."
Um...why?
"After football practice. A dare."
For money?
"Yeah. Like ten dollars."
(A minute goes by.)
"Maybe it was five dollars."
Hilarious! I'm with you though....wouldn't eat any of that crap either!!
Kara... you're too funny! Great post!
I have faith that if that much money were on the line... you could do it. You just have to find your "happy place" and go for it.
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