This Isn't a Rave, Slippers

I walked in on Slippers flinging one of Ava's glow-stick bracelets in the air. She had it in her mouth, flinging it around and the next thing I knew she bolted out of the room. I glanced down where she once was and noticed a small hole in the bracelet with pink glowing shit oozing onto my carpet. That's when I heard it. Her collar was jingling like crazy and I knew she was spazzing out. I ran into the living room and saw she was foaming at the mouth. This is when I flipped my shit.

If a child or a cat is expressing any kind of distress, I panic. Yes, I said cat. It happened last week when Grace began choking on a mouth full of goldfish and I threw her into the arms of my good friend Amber, yelling at her to fix Grace, and OMG she's dying and OMG! Grace was fine and just needed a sip of water, but you see right there, I am prone to panic in frightening situations. I skip the whole Examine and Assess the Situation part, and jump directly to the Flipping Out part.

I flipped the frack out when I saw foam coming out of my darling Slippers' mouth. She was choking, and panicking and racing around the house in complete confusion and discomfort. I was sure she was dying! I ran around in circles looking for the phone while Terry hunched over Slippers trying to see if she was actually choking on a piece of plastic, or just foaming, and WTF is all this bubbly shit coming out of her mouth?

I called 311 and begged for an emergency animal hospital, the guy on the line half laughed at me for screaming into the phone while crying, but he did give me the number I needed. And made sure to tell me next time not to call this number unless it was a real emergency.

I yelled out loud for Terry and threw him a syringe I filled with water. I yelled at him to shove it down her throat and then yelled at him again for doing it too fast, was he trying to drown her?!

The vet explained the glowing solution was non-toxic but tasted terrible and advised us to give Slippers water, milk or wet cat food to help flush the taste from her mouth.

All of that..... for a lame and boring response from the vet. I was at the very least hoping to race through traffic, only to be pulled over, then once the cop sees a dying cat in my arms, he gives me a police escort to the hospital where several high-profile vets are waiting with tiny cat stretchers and tiny cat IV's and tiny cat blood pressure monitors that attach to their tiny cat index fingers.

We got none of that. Just a healthy cat. Dammit.