Hell Dweeb on Wheels

OMG. Y'all. I found out today like a slap in the face, I am no longer hot shit.

I considered myself hot shit only once in my life. When I was 15 years old. When I could roller skate like a bad ass 15 year old who could roller skate, real bad-ass-like.

I was cool beans to the max and shit. Oh yeah. Me and my friend Amy would hit up Skate World off Anderson Mill and have a total blast. I was the girl who skated past you with the bad-ass look on her face, like, yea... move outta my way, I'm skating past you. OH GOD. I was such a dweeb.

Fast forward 17 years. To Play Land skating rink. With my 3 year old daughter and my husband. The above facts should have set the tone for how this was going to play out...but I still held onto a teeny thread of hope, dreaming that I would lace up my skates (that were missing the pompoms) and hit the ground running. Err..rolling.

Not so much, people. Ok. Remember that one scene in Forest Gump, when young Forest ran down the gravel road with those damn leg braces? OK. That is what I looked like. Except 10x worse.

And Terry. Oh sweet Jesus. No adult male needs to wear skates. It just ain't right. There was never a moment during our skating spree, where I stopped and thought, you know?? THAT'S HOT. It just didn't happen. And then I deliberately searched the rink for the other adult males in skates and found a really buff guy, but seeing him twirl around and skate backward just sucked any bit of sexy out of the whole scenario.

So, obviously things have changed at the 'ole rink since I was a youngster. Except the fact that youngsters still love to skate. And that is why we took Ava out for the afternoon, to give it a whirl. We laced up her tiny skates and all three of us hit the floor. Things moved very slowly from that moment on. Ava cried at first, becoming so frustrated in the manner in which her legs moved, not understanding it takes a while to get your body used to rolling. Then it became manageable for her. She started to walk on the skates, then got the hang of it. Just as it was used when I was a wee lad, the middle of the rink is still used for dorky moms and dads and tiny kids who are learning. We spent a lot of time there, then felt comfortable enough to let loose and have fun! Ava was such a trooper, even saying she wanted to do a Figure Eight, and twirled herself around. :) She made us so proud!

And I think Terry thought I would make him proud when I announced I was going to race. You heard that right. After the hokey pokey, the racing began. When they finally announced the 18+ Girls race, no one skated to the center of the rink. Then the announcer asked if there were any moms out there.... No one ventured out. Then they mentioned grandmothers. REALLY? IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED? Then when the referee threw up his hands to tell the DJ no one was up for it... little 'ole me skated out. It was only then, that a bunch of other women took the rink. I knew immediately I was about to get kicked to the curb. And OMG. I can't even believe I'm posting the video. If you are my friend at this moment, please remain my friend after you witness the complete fool I make of myself.

The afternoon was a hit, a rolling success, if you will. :)

Ava will have these pictures and memories forever, and so will her Mommy and Daddy. When she is older, hopefully she will see us as more than old foagies, trying to do 'hip' things with her. Hopefully she will realize we do those things because we love her!