The Olympics In Review

It's been a few days since the closing ceremonies for the games, and like most of the world, I sat my ass on a couch every night at 7:00 p.m. sharp to watch some of the best athletes in the world, compete for gold, silver and bronze. If they had a sport for consuming unnecessary quantities of ice cream, thin mint Girl Scout cookies and popcorn, while watching the Olympics, I came away with the Gold. Take that losers.

Here are a few of the things I learned after watching the 2010 Winter Games:

1.) Apolo Ohno - Although he's got a great smile and thighs that could crush a unripened watermelon, he's only 5'8. That fact, unfortunately, lowers his hotness level significantly.

2.) Curling - WTF! ?????????

3.) Figure Skating - My favorite!! Except for when Britain's brother/sister pair took the ice. All I could concentrate on was the fact that the brother had his hands all over his sisters ass. They gazed into each other's eyes. They flipped each other around and touched 'those parts' together. They did wear cowboy hats, cutt-offs and country western shirts, which fits in line with the whole country bumpkin/incest thing, but come on. Did she really have to ride around on your lap while the both of you shot your finger guns at the audience?!?! Ick.

4.) Skikjøring totally needs to qualify as an official Olympic sport. Google it. How fun!

5.) Figure Skater Johnny Weir - He comes in at a close 2nd to my BFF Kathy Griffin. He's so fierce! So Glam! LOVE him!

6.) Bobsled Racing - These guys' shouldn't be considered 'athletes'. They wear full-body leotards. They have beer guts. They get all ass-slappy with each other, then run a little bit and jump into a tube together. Gravity and momentum do all of the work. Seriously.

Also,


Duuuude!



Mmm. Beer.

Two HUGE egomaniacs.



Go ahead and laugh. You know it's true.



If MY brother ever held me like that...he'd be in prison.



So berry faaaaabulous!!



Squidward has the better attitude of the two.