Don't Be Shy! Come On, It's Tee Tee Time!

This year is the very first year I've shopped almost completely online for Christmas presents. Amazon has delivered nearly every single present under my tree. This morning while on their site searching for things having to do with 'travel', I somehow stumbled upon... um... this Christmas must-have:

Big deal.

So it's just a PERSONAL URINAL.

Except it's also just a PERSONAL URINAL.

And the pictures of the product are the best part.

Here's my favorite:

Look! It's easy and durable enough for even a humongous horse to pee into it from nearly a foot away!

Then all you have to do is pray all that horse pee has turned into gel, and flip it upside down to see if it worked!

How can this company even market this like it's a serious item?? I read a few of the reviews and a lady that drives almost 70 miles to and from work bought hers because she "doesn't have time to pull off the highway and walk into a restroom."

She states she "simply unrolls, positions it, and goes!"

Well, VIOLA!!

This shit must be easy!

So the next time I'm driving to grandma's house with the girls, there's no need to pull over when I feel the urge. I can simply focus on the road while I dig through my purse, find my urinal, take out the lip stick tube that fell inside of it, unroll it, drive with my knee while I pull off my jeans, wiggle down my underwear, take both hands off the wheel to place my trusty personal urinal against my body and then ....AHHHHH.

That IS easy! And SO SAFE!

And then of course, hurry to pull everything back into place before a semi-truck driver pulls up next to me and wonders what the hell I've been up to.

In my opinion, there are only two types of people on this planet that could POSSIBLY need a plastic bag urinal. Those that are bedridden and don't have the means to get up and travel to the potty, or bat-shit crazy lady astronauts involved in a fatal attraction with a co-worker astronaut. And that bat-shit crazy lady astronaut missed her chance when she decided to drive cross country with an adult diaper on, when CLEARLY, the perfect choice would have been the Personal Urinal.

It's so much more dignified than a diaper.

Whoo Whoo

Things that Gracie says that ARE acceptable:

"Cream of the week." (cream of wheat)
"Vegetavle. (vegetable)
"Vestival." (festival)

Things that Gracie says that are NOT acceptable:

"Whatever. I'm wearing mascara today."
"I'm being Nikki Minaj when I grow up!"
"Look at my bras! My husband is trying to get me."

---

While shopping for Christmas presents (that aren't for her...)

Gracie:
Mommy! Look! Can you buy this tea set for me!?

Me:
Honey, no. We're only here to buy things for other people.

Gracie: *with her arms crossed and now yelling as loud as humanly possible*

YOU'RE GONNA BUY STUFF FOR YOUR GUESTS AND NOT BUY ANYTHING FOR YOUR OWN CHILD?  DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT A CHILD??!

So, she's basically a Screech Owl. All compact and and cute with those beautiful, enormous eyes. And if provoked, scratches off your face with some big-ass claws you never knew were inside those tiny, furry feet.

Winter | 2011

Two and a half years ago I averaged almost 20 blog posts a month.

Fast forward to today ~ I'm barely pushing 1. Yeesh.

I was on a roll back then. I couldnt help but stumble upon something crazy or hilarious that happened to me or around me. I miss the days when I sat in front of my monitor and typed up a quirky story quickly and effortlessly. It must be the older and more active my girls become, the harder it is for me to take time, or justify my time, sitting in front of my monitor blabbing on and on.

Hopefully this post will be the first of a whole lot more. Whether you like it or not.

In full Kara style, what better way to kick off a blogging frenzy than with PICTURES!

Of kids!

And their parents!

Thank you Samantha Tran for a fun photo filled morning!

Brave Little Bean

My dad and I were shopping at Highland Mall (most likely for Umbro shorts and Swatch watches) when we came upon The Piercing Pagoda kiosk. My dad had the 'okay' from my mom to let me do what I'd been wanting forever. 

Finally have my ears pierced. 

He held my hand while the marker was dotted on each ear, and within seconds it was all over. He then took me into the food court and bought me a strawberry/banana smoothie, my favorite. We hung around the mall for a while, and I remember walking through Dillard's, my dad stopping here and there to check out the leather furniture. I still smell the leather of the couches, and the aromas of shampoo and hairspray permeating outside of Visible Changes as we walked out of the mall to head home.

I was eight years-old.

I will never forget that afternoon. The earrings my dad chose were little gold knots. I would give anything to have those, my very first pair of real earrings.

Today is another one of those memorable days. 

The day Ava had her ears pierced.

Instead of a half baked teenager working at a mall kiosk, my sister Dana was the one to do the honors for Ava today. I couldn't have asked for anyone more special. Knowing that Ava talks incessantly about nothing, and cant control her laughter when she's nervous, her Aunt Nanna calmly and clearly explained what she was about to do, and what to expect after it was over.

The tears came to my eyes the moment the first one was pierced. Ava, completely shocked, stared directly into my sisters face anticipating  her response... and when Dana gave her a big smile, Ava knew it was going to be alright. After a quick and happy high-five, the other ear was next.  Boom. She barely felt it. Ava counted aloud to ten, then let out a deep breath, smiled, and ran to the bathroom for a look in the mirror.

I can only hope Ava remembers this day, this special event in her young life.

The day when her Aunt Nanna came over and pierced her ears when she was six years-old.

 And gave to her, her very first pair of real earrings.

10.13.11

Ava, today you turned SIX years old. Your little sister gave you a huge Happy Birthday Hug first thing in the morning. She mentioned you even looked bigger today. You told her, "Of course, it's because I'm six!"

We love you so much!

~Mom & Dad

Drum Roll Please

I have absolutely no musical talent what so ever. Sure, I might have been in a music class or the choir in middle school, but I'm pretty sure it was because all of the other electives were filled and they only needed that special someone with zero talent who was okay with settling for tapping on a glockenspiel during the gifted children's performances.

That special someone was me. And I was the BOMB at the glockenspiel.

I'm not afraid to belt out some soulful Adele in my car and sing some serious Rhianna in the shower, but as far as natural music talent goes... I got nothin'.

Terry on the other hand comes from quite the musically talented family, his sister and all of his brothers' are all experts at singing or playing an array of instruments, or both. Terry taught himself himself how to play the drums when he was a kid, and he recently set up a small portion of his drum kit in Grace's room so the girls could play around when they have their friends over. Ava took quite the liking to them and Terry has been giving her lessons.

She's picked it up in a hurry.... and then there's Grace.
Grace would rather sing a jumbled up version of the alphabet, turrets style.



Drum Roll Please from Kara on Vimeo.

Come On. Gimme An 'A' For Effort

So this is the first 'full week' of Kinder for Ava and things are going swimmingly. I love that term. Swimmingly. It reminds me of 'Dory' in Finding Nemo. She was so cute. And she couldn't help but loose track of her thoughts.

Um...

Oh. Ava... yes.

It's great. Ava LOVES school.

With one ever-so-gentle arm touch in the morning, she scares the shit out of me yelling, "Is it school?!" and then leaps out of bed and is dressed and making her own breakfast in like 6 seconds flat. It's crazy, the amount of drive this kid has, in kindergarten, of all things.

I can hear her in ten years, waking up all, "Are the SAT's today?!?!? AWESOME, I GOTSTA GO!"

Boy, she and I really couldn't be any different.

OK, so Her Teacher. She's super sweet.

I thought I'd start off on the right foot by volunteering for Tuesday Folders...Workroom Helper... and various other light duties that keep me involved in the Going's On, but far, far away from The Crazies. (You know who they are. Those Other Mom's.)

So, during Meet The Teacher Night before school started, I signed up to make and bring in gingerbread cookies for a Gingerbread Man Hunt, where the kids go around and search for gingerbread men and it helps familiarize themselves with the layout of the school, and such. My job is to bring a dozen gingerbread 'girls' to school tomorrow so the teacher can hide them in secret spots and and the wee children can look to-and-fro for those pesky, hiding gingerbread men, then eat them all up!

Except for one thing.

The eating them all up part.

You understand it's August right?

And the season for gingerbread cookies was like, EIGHT MONTHS AGO.

And I don't do HOMEMADE STUFF.

So the only thing on the shelf, IN AUGUST, that doesn't involve one of those fancy mixer things (where I'm forced to do it the REAL WAY with flour and baking soda, or is it powder, and all of those other fancy ingredients), was one box of Gingerbread Cookie Mix.

The whole grain kind. Gluten free. No sugar.

Grace watched me mix it all up and said, "Mommy, it looks like sand. With dirt inside, also."

Yes Grace.

YES IT DOES.

And I'm pretty darn sure it tastes like sand with dirt inside, also.

I cannot imagine any five or six year-old liking these things. And I certainly cannot imagine them liking their shapes either, because I made these cookies at 9 o'clock tonight after Ava went to sleep (since it's a surprise) and after a long day, my contacts were all dried out, my rolling pin was barely working trying to roll out basically WHOLE OATS with sand and dirt and water mixed in, it didn't go too well.

So I thought I'd remedy the situation by decorating my newborn gingerbread girls.

OMG!

Her juvederm injections were clearly done by an unlicensed dermatologist.

What a HACK JOB.

At least she's a blond. That will get her somewhere. And is it just me, or does she have a hernia in need repair, or could that be a cesarean-section that went horribly wrong?

I have a feeling the teacher will keep any future volunteer sign-up sheets far, far away from Ava's Mom.

Newborn To Kindergarten At Warp Speed

Wasn't it just yesterday you had your first birthday?

Look at you now.

You're such a Big Kid.

 You weren't at all afraid on your very first day of Kindergarten.

You kissed your Mom and Dad good-bye and walked away with a smile.

We are proud of you, sweet Ava.

ACL Live - Miranda Lambert Studio Taping

I received an email from Terry Tuesday morning stating the following:

Honey:
Nonnie will be over tomorrow night to watch the girls. She'll be over around 5:30.

YOU AND I HAVE PLANS! Attire: Cute dress. We'll be indoors, you'll need to eat something before we go.

Love you,
T

OMG I love surprises!!!
But the whole 'eat before we go' thing knocked dinner plans out of my thoughts - so... could it be a movie, a play? I had no clue.

My mom and sister knew what he was planning, but of course, kept it to themselves. POOR SPORTS!!

So now it's Wednesday, 5:30pm, and my mom shows up right on time. She sends us off with a smile and
we head toward downtown. I pulled down my passenger side sun visor/mirror and a piece of paper fell into my lap. I opened it up and the first words that caught my eye were: Congratulations and Miranda Lambert. HOLY CRAP!!! WUT!?!?!

He had entered his name into a drawing for stage level passes to the Miranda Lambert live studio taping at Austin City Limits! And won!

While waiting in line to get inside, we ran into our friend Sara and her dad, who also had tix, and they partied/danced/sang right along with us. It was awesome!

Miranda is one helluva firecracker... she's super short, has great legs, wore glittery stiletto's and a leather and lace black mini dress and rocked her little country heart out! Along with a dozen other of her songs, she sang two songs with her new band, Pistol Annie, and of course rocked the house with Hell on Heels. So fun!

The night was a total blast and the four of us ended up with major camera time. Way more than 15 minutes of fame! Ha! I can't wait until the October airing, I'm sure we will laugh the whole time we see ourselves, having a great time dancing like fools and not givin' a damn!

It was a night I won't forget, and I am thankful to have a man in my life that gets such a kick out of surprising me and seeing me happy.

Thanks Honey!!!!

Sunning, Swimming and Side-Splitting Laughter

That about sums up Last Friday Night ....


5th Annual Girls Weekend from Kara on Vimeo.

Red White and Blue

"The One with the Dance Off"

"Um, we have to do what SHE DOES!! She didn't TAKE A BOWEL!"


Morning Dance Party! from Kara on Vimeo.

Pop Goes The Police Batton Over Your Teenage Heads

I'm now available to be hired as a sketch artist for crime scene reenactment purposes.

Check out my latest piece.
 

It's spot on, people.

Talent like this doesn't just present itself in every Stay At Home Mom, y'all.

Ava could tell the story MUCH BETTER than I could... but she can't type and can barely spell C-A-T, so I will be taking care of the story-telling here.

OK. Glance at the crime scene sketch I have prepared for you above.

What do you see?

If you said...

1. A side view of an index finger with sweet 20" rims and police sirens

2. A crazy-haired Q-tip

3. Bombs bursting in air

4. A misshapen penis next to two zombies with graduation caps on

You are SADLY MISTAKEN. And shame on you for your poor interpretation.

What you SHOULD SEE is the following:

1. A police cruiser (with sweet rims)

2. Me parked along next to him, with obvious PERFECTLY UPRIGHT POSTURE

3. Three total douche bag teenage boys, peering over a brick wall

4. Water balloons bursting thru the air

Oh yes I did folks, I called the PO PO on those MO FO'S.

I swear to God it sounded like I ran over a dead bloated goat when it happened. I was driving down a quiet neighborhood street while on the phone with Terry and all of a sudden yelled OHMYGAWDWHATWASTHAT?! Then hung up. (Hindsight: Don't do that to your husband if you are ever in my situation... their reaction might not be the best...) I quickly pulled over and got out to see about the bloated goat when I saw water droplets on the rear passenger wheel well. I jumped back into the car and turned around headed toward where I'd hit the goat. That's when I saw it. Saw THEM... the little shits. Three teenagers were peering over a brick wall laughing and hurling bright orange water balloons at passing vehicles.

Awwww naaaahhhh, yo. My tiny, white-girl ghetto side came out and I leaped out of the car, and yelled at those little shits. Then hopped back in the car and called 911. I told the dispatcher I'd been hit with a water balloon when BOOM! Another pelted the roof of my car. Aww HALE NAHHH! I jumped out of the car, hung up with the dispatcher after she said she was sending someone out, I turned on my phone's video camera and peeked thru the fence next to the wall. They had scattered. The little shits.

The cop showed up and asked me all sorts of questions, checked for damage to the rear of my vehicle, then said he would take care of it.

I wanted him to get rough with them and 'teach them a lesson' but he must have had better things to do because he totally drove away after I got back in my car. He must have had a donut waiting for him back at the station.

Oh, and the oval shaped turd looking things between my car and the police car are the police man's footprints. Ava wanted to make sure I drew footprints to show the cop walking toward us. 

Now that I think of it, maybe the cop sped off to go pawn the the huge 600-karat diamond ring on the roof of his car.

Father's Day

GW Lodge

4 kids... 4 adults... 2 nights... LOTS-O-FUN!!!


Great Wolf 2011 from Kara on Vimeo.

You'll Thank Us When It's 105 Outside

It happens every summer.

And every summer she struggles with strategic sitting positions in an attempt to hide her newly naked girlie parts.

Slow It Down There, Little Girl

I'm all for you growing up, but this is ridiculous.

Two teeth and a preschool graduation within 11 days - let's just take a break from all of the Getting Big for a while, mkay?

Don't Blink

I am so fortunate to have witnessed every laugh, tear and milestone our sweet Ava has experienced.

She played with Play-Doh her first day of preschool, and showed me how she could count by five's to one-hundred during her graduation.

We are so proud of her!

KDO class of 2011! 

Tossing their caps!

"We're Outta Here!"

We's Country Bumpkins

I'm too tired and lazy to type an introduction for this blog post

Double click below

I'm even too tired and lazy for proper punctuation

He HAS WHISKERS

How cute are HIS WHISKERS

Hyatt Wild Oak Ranch - San Antonio

The Tiny Tooth Fairy Cometh

Last night, after dinner, we gave Ava and Grace some chocolate covered strawberries for dessert.  Ava took her first bite into the hard chocolaty exterior and yelped with pain. That set in motion an hour-and-a-half long waiting period for Ava to feel comfortable enough for me stick my fingers in her mouth and see what was going on.

The one tooth that had been loose for weeks, finally decided it was time to come out. I placed my pinkie finger on the back of the tooth and it plunged forward. While I cringed on the inside from how creepy it felt, Ava panicked on the outside. She called her cousin Kylie to ask advice on how to handle the loose tooth, and Kylie said she needed to twist it around in order to loosen it up. To which Ava's response was to make a gagging noise and cry hysterically.

While Daddy and Grace watched from the bed, I did my best to assure Ava that if she let me pull her tooth, I would promise not to hurt her. We pinkie promised she would be brave and I would be quick...and with a panicked jerking back motion of her head...Ta Da! The tooth was out.


Lil' Miss Drama And Her Momma from Kara on Vimeo.

So proud of My Girl!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Grace requested two pig tails this morning. When I was finished with her hair, I asked her to turn around so I could see her. She posed with this half-smile and a memory of a school photo of me in the 2nd grade popped into my head. I dug around for the photo and compared the two. There's a few years difference between these shots, but I think she looks remarkably like me.

Ava has very dark brown eyes and wavy brown hair. She resembles Terry's side of the family.
Grace has straight blond hair and blue eyes. Mostly resembling my family.

My hair was stick straight with a red tinge in 2nd grade. For some bizarre reason, the next year my hair grew in very curly, and stayed that way until I had Ava.

Now, after two kids, and the hormones that come with them... it can't seem to make up its damn mind - and is stuck somewhere between a half-assed curly and a frizzy, limp stage. 

Don't get all jealous.

Say What?

Sunday night, we, along with a bunch of people in our neighborhood set out their junk/bulk items along their curbs for pick-up Monday morning. Barely 30 minutes after Terry rolled out our gas grill, a truck and trailer pulled up and snatched it away like thieves in the night.

The next morning when taking the girls to school, I noticed dozens of broken down cardboard boxes someone set out along the street. I dropped the girls off and made my way back to the boxes, knowing my sister could use them for packing since she's moving. I pulled over, folded down all of the seats and looked totally ridiculous trying to heave these two huge things into the back of my SUV. They barely fit.

Later on, while switching them from my car to hers, we noticed something written on one of the boxes.

Excuse me.

WTF is a Squirt Room?

I think Bemis is a medical supply company, but is that really an accurate term to use for the room storing those supplies? It must be, since both Squirt and Room are capitalized. OMG - what sort of SQUIRTING goes on in a Squirt Room? Am I now tainted since I manhandled every single square inch of that box trying to get the damn thing into my car?!

I'm aware that the only things that have the potential to SQUIRT, are liquids. And since this box most likely contained medical supplies housing things in a liquid state - that can only mean - Bodily Fluids. Right? Unless I read the wrong Google search result and Bemis is the company that manufactures silly string. Because silly string is the only other thing I can think of that squirts.

I'm grossed out. What if that box was left inside the Squirt Room and someones foreign SQUIRT splashed onto it? 

Oh, and before I go any further... do not Google the term squirt room if your kids are in the same room. Or if you are at work. Because it's not defined as "a secure room housed within a medical facility for the safe and secure storage of bodily fluids" like I thought.

----

So now, both me and my sister along with the inside of our vehicles, could potentially be contaminated with strange and nameless SQUIRTABLE substances.

Wanna hang out later?

I'll drive.

Eight Years

Make A Wish!

4.24.07 | 12:35 p.m. | 7 lbs. 10 oz.

Grace's Turns FOUR! from Kara on Vimeo.

Where Have All The Poppies Gone?

I heard Georgetown's Red Poppy Festival was taking place this weekend, so we ventured out Sunday to take a look. The excitement must have ended Saturday because it was super slow and  uneventful... and we never found any red poppies. Did we miss something? 

Ahem. Perhaps we should zoom in and take a closer look at Gracie:

It's obvious she gets it from her Dad.

Usually, T is better at the self portraits than I, so I trusted him in getting one of us along with the big banner on the courthouse. Betcha wish you were there with us --- at the WELCOME TO. 

Not a lot going down while we were there... but I did witness one person purchasing the bird feeder below and I'm pretty sure only the hoity toity, privileged birds are allowed to dine from it.

Oh and I know it sucks, but I just checked our 2012 calendar and it looks like we are plum booked this same weekend ~ so it turns out we can't make it next year.

Bummer.

Go On ... Get Your Pedal On!

Gracie can now officially join her Big Sister in Two-Wheeled adventures!



Grace Rides from Kara on Vimeo.

Can I Rent a Cochlear Implant For The Weekend? Part 2

For the last 10 days everyone in this house has had to hunt me down, turn my face to theirs and speak loudly and slowly in order to get my attention. Ava and Grace have had to (against their natural ways) actually WALK UP TO THEIR MOTHER to ask a question, instead of the normal YELLING ACROSS THREE ROOMS to get me to come them.

Let the yelling commence because I can hear again! My little eardrums are healed! Thank you ridiculously expensive antibiotic!

Can I get a What What! And I no longer mean literally!

I did kinda play the Hey, But I'm Temporarily Hearing Challenged card a few times though. If someone needed something from me, I'd simply throw my hands up by my ears and then mouth "I can't hear you...", and SHAZZAM, shit got done and I wasn't the one doing it. If the girls needed me to find something of theirs, -- throw hands up, WUT? -- and poof, they were off on their own and figuring things out for themselves.

I think we're a much stronger family because of it.

Can I Rent A Cochlear Implant For The Weekend? Part One.

I've spent the last 72 hours with crippling pain in my ears. Initially, the pain was so intense it sent me to an after hours clinic, and they in turn sent me to the ER with a Golden Ticket to bypass the long line of crazies, next came a CT scan with a result showing a sinus infection and the cherry on top -- a severe double ear infection.

The only bearable part of the last 72 hours was the fact that within minutes of arriving at the ER I was shot up with morphine. The last time I was given morphine was a few years ago after having my appendix removed. I spent the next day and a half pressing the little red button next to my hospital bed, religiously every ten minutes, and it was as if I was pressing a little red button straight into heaven. Faaaabulous! But say it the way Oprah says it, to better understand my meaning.

The morphine for my painful ear infections wore off after I arrived home, so I took two teensy weency pain pills I was prescribed, which did NOT A DAYUM THING. So I writhed in pain for the rest of the night until a follow-up doctor appointment the next morning. By now, I was vomiting and could barely walk in a straight line. I was sent home with a little bit of heaven in pill form, which made things better. 

Another day passed and I was referred to an Audiologist and E.N.T for further examination. Since I'd been deaf for the last three days, I'd become a pro at reading lips. I was doing my best at keeping up with what the ENT was saying, and my heart stopped when it seemed as if he'd said "So, if this new antibiotic I'm prescribing fails to work within 48 hours, I will need to puncture your eardrums in order to drain the infection. All I heard, or lip read, rather, was PUNCTURE--PUNCTURE--EARDRUMS.  Ummm, I'm no doctor, but that doesn't sound normal, man! I panicked and feverishly darted my eyes around the exam room to make sure this wacko had a medical license of some sort, and was disappointed in finding at least three, all decked out with fancy frames. Damn it. He was for real. And his name was Dr. Slaughter.

OMG, what's worse here??  His name? or that he WANTS TO INTENTIONALLY RUPTURE BOTH OF MY FUCKING EARDRUMS?

I started throwing questions at him, as  you can imagine because I'm a total spazz  any normal person would at this point.

Will it hurt? Will you put me under? Will you hold my hand and stuff? Can you tell me your First Name, so I can stop thinking about your Last One? Would you do this to your loving wife? Or child? Am I asking too many questions? Why are you looking at your watch? Oh God, are you in a hurry? Are you going to HURRY WHILE PUNCTURING THE MOST SENSITIVE TISSUE INSIDE MY ENTIRE BODY?!

Here's hoping the stronger antibiotic does the trick. Cause if it doesn't, I apologize in advance for the dramatic informative blog to follow what sounds like a totally inhumane surgical procedure.

Spring Fling

I hear birdies chirping and see butterflies fluttering! It's Spring!

Technically, the first day of spring is tomorrow.

In my opinion it's already spring here since we've been the 70's every day for like a month. Which in my book qualifies for spring.

So I gave the Middle Finger to our earth's meteorological calendar and planted a bunch of my shit an entire day early. Winning!!

P.S. If you have a three-year-old who demands they be the first to water your delicate, freshly potted flowers, make sure the spray nozzle on your hose isn't set to JET before they pull the trigger. It might defeat the purpose of everything you've just done.

 

Also, this guy.

I noticed him staring at me while I was looking out our back door. He stared long enough for me to get my camera, call the kids to come see, and then snap a dozen pictures. He couldn't look away. It's totally obvious he's was distraught because I've thrown off the earth's axis by announcing its spring, a day early.  Or he was blood thirsty and contemplated leaping through the glass and onto my face, mauling it and pulling out my teeth, stuffing them in his stretchy cheeks to take back and show off to his furry little friends.

Or maybe he was just curious.

I might over analyze things.

Get Your Pinch On

Tippity top O' the mornin' to ya! Get up! Get on a little bit o' green and get thru your day in a hurry, 'cause this is what's waiting for you!

At least, it's what's waiting for me and my homegirlies!

Happy St. Patrick's Day Peeps!

Someone Hold Me

Ava is on the precipice of a huge new chapter in her little life and I am on the precipice of a huge breakdown. You'll see me with the Oprah Ugly Cry in exactly five months and thirteen days.
But who's counting.

This morning I registered Ava for Kindergarten.

Shut the front door, I am NOT ready for this shit! I do not have a kindergartner, thank you very much! I have a tiny newborn bundle that solely relies on me for her tiny newborn life. (Oh, and Terry ~ he's kind of the one with the job and the money ~ that's a wee bit important.) But I'm her mom.
Sometimes that's weird to say. I'm a mom. Weird.

And I'm a mom with a Big Kid.

A large handful of my closest Mommy Friends are in the very same boat today, and are just as freaked out. So I'm taking it upon myself to speak for every single one of them, because they love me so, and I know they don't mind.

We very well may meet for lunch and have a margarita on The First Day Of School. OMG! Who am I kidding?! We would never have a margarita in the middle of the day!

We would have two.

Flying High In Austin

First time as a family to hit the Zilker Kite Fest.

Super fun!
Super crowded!!
Super beautiful day!!!


Let's Fly from Kara on Vimeo.

She's Got The Look

Never mind the shit that went on in Egypt, or the shit that's going on in Libya, or the terrible shit that's happening in your city as I type. Let's all go to sleep tonight thinking, not about death and destruction, or dishonesty and betrayal... but something a little more..... TOTALLY EFFING ADORABLE.



Her name is Heidi.

She's a possum.

Technically, she's an opossum, but that's weird to type and you'll sound stupid if you say it. She lives in a zoo in Germany and a local TV crew was shooting some footage of other animals when they caught a glimpse of 'lil Heidi and her slight ... um ... vision impairment. I don't care how ugly you are, if your eyes are crossed, you're still ugly, but you're also a little bit adorable.

She's all the rage in Germany, and everywhere else in the world, for that matter. Cuz hello, she's cross eyed and no one can look away at something so hideously adorable.

Here she is in all of her hideous glory -- choosing her pick for Best Actress winner at the Oscar's this weekend. Quite the celebrity, that 'lil Heidi.

Seeing that she's she's CROSS EYED and all, it's understandable how the poor thing accidentally wandered right past who she ended up choosing in the end.



Natalie Portman was her winning pick. Look how she's gazing fondly into Natalie's defect-free eyes. All jealous and shit.

You honestly can't tell me you wouldn't want to cuddle up with this little cross eyed beast. Look at her! She couldn't hurt a fly! No, literally, she couldn't hurt a fly! Get it?!  Her eyes. She sees two.

Oh never mind.

Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired

I feel like I've spent the last six days inside of a cold, dark, germ filled cave. For a while there I thought I would never emerge, and simply die in my bed, suffering day after day with fevers, chills, headaches, rashes, fatigue and nausea. After three doctor visits, an allergic reaction to antibiotics, blood work and a possible case of mono, it turns out just one ugly hella-virus took up residence in my little body. And I have finally kicked its ass out. Be gone!

And thank God I'm better, because there's only so many HBO On Demand movies one can watch. I did splurge and buy Inception one afternoon, only to turn that shit off cuz it gave me way more of a headache than I already had, trying to figure out what the hell it was all about. My sick, pathetic little brain was too feverish and apparently wasn't able to handle any of the big words or fast movement.

I'm pretty sure I swallowed a years worth of ibuprofen caplets and if I never drink orange Gatorade again, it will be way too soon. I was that germy old lady, wearing her flowery house coat, holed up in her Kleenex littered room with the shades drawn, spooning with her remote and two prized tabby cats. Sounds hawt.

I know Terry is pleased I now have energy and am back to showering on a regular basis. Oh and the fact that I can now safely drive our kids' to school without the fear of me passing out behind the wheel, is a plus too. 

The Preschool Version Of An Anatomy Lesson

I'm not sure what part of this photo my eyes should focus upon...

1. The look on Grace's face --

or

2. The look on the dog's face --

Whatever your eyes focus upon, it's absolutely hilarious.

Just A Little Dusting, That's All We Need

It snowed twice in Austin when I was a kid. That I remember, at least. It was quite a rare experience.

Ava's only five and she's witnessed TX snow three times in her life. Lucky girl.

The great thing about Austin is it's 20 degrees with falling snow one day and two days later, it's 71 without a cloud in the sky. Sweet.

Emotionless smiles. Holding hands. Standing stick straight. CREEPY.

3 hoods. Too much?

The "Angel" portion of this picture ended when she realized wet snow and jeans don't mix.

I'm sure the East coast would laugh in my face.

You didn't think you'd actually get away with not seeing our cat.

In the snow. Surrounded by cute cat foot prints.

Come on, now.