Come On. Gimme An 'A' For Effort

So this is the first 'full week' of Kinder for Ava and things are going swimmingly. I love that term. Swimmingly. It reminds me of 'Dory' in Finding Nemo. She was so cute. And she couldn't help but loose track of her thoughts.

Um...

Oh. Ava... yes.

It's great. Ava LOVES school.

With one ever-so-gentle arm touch in the morning, she scares the shit out of me yelling, "Is it school?!" and then leaps out of bed and is dressed and making her own breakfast in like 6 seconds flat. It's crazy, the amount of drive this kid has, in kindergarten, of all things.

I can hear her in ten years, waking up all, "Are the SAT's today?!?!? AWESOME, I GOTSTA GO!"

Boy, she and I really couldn't be any different.

OK, so Her Teacher. She's super sweet.

I thought I'd start off on the right foot by volunteering for Tuesday Folders...Workroom Helper... and various other light duties that keep me involved in the Going's On, but far, far away from The Crazies. (You know who they are. Those Other Mom's.)

So, during Meet The Teacher Night before school started, I signed up to make and bring in gingerbread cookies for a Gingerbread Man Hunt, where the kids go around and search for gingerbread men and it helps familiarize themselves with the layout of the school, and such. My job is to bring a dozen gingerbread 'girls' to school tomorrow so the teacher can hide them in secret spots and and the wee children can look to-and-fro for those pesky, hiding gingerbread men, then eat them all up!

Except for one thing.

The eating them all up part.

You understand it's August right?

And the season for gingerbread cookies was like, EIGHT MONTHS AGO.

And I don't do HOMEMADE STUFF.

So the only thing on the shelf, IN AUGUST, that doesn't involve one of those fancy mixer things (where I'm forced to do it the REAL WAY with flour and baking soda, or is it powder, and all of those other fancy ingredients), was one box of Gingerbread Cookie Mix.

The whole grain kind. Gluten free. No sugar.

Grace watched me mix it all up and said, "Mommy, it looks like sand. With dirt inside, also."

Yes Grace.

YES IT DOES.

And I'm pretty darn sure it tastes like sand with dirt inside, also.

I cannot imagine any five or six year-old liking these things. And I certainly cannot imagine them liking their shapes either, because I made these cookies at 9 o'clock tonight after Ava went to sleep (since it's a surprise) and after a long day, my contacts were all dried out, my rolling pin was barely working trying to roll out basically WHOLE OATS with sand and dirt and water mixed in, it didn't go too well.

So I thought I'd remedy the situation by decorating my newborn gingerbread girls.

OMG!

Her juvederm injections were clearly done by an unlicensed dermatologist.

What a HACK JOB.

At least she's a blond. That will get her somewhere. And is it just me, or does she have a hernia in need repair, or could that be a cesarean-section that went horribly wrong?

I have a feeling the teacher will keep any future volunteer sign-up sheets far, far away from Ava's Mom.