"Zoo."

I tried to come up with something a little more tittilating than 'ZOO' for the title to this post, but couldn't really think of anything. And I like the word 'tittilating', and wanted to find a reason to type it. Or, perhaps it's because I've had a couple of cocktail's and all I care about is pressing publish and walking into the kitchen to squirt a slice of lime into another cocktail, sitting down and turning on the Oprah I DVR'd today.
Shhh. Don't tell Terry.

A couple of weeks ago, Brandey and I took our kiddos to the Capital of Texas Zoo. It was a fun afternoon, but it was a smaller rescue zoo, and lacked many exotic animals. The kids had a great time, but we felt the need to let them experience a bigger zoo, with lions and tigers and bears and such. Before we knew it, we'd enlisted two more of our friends and carpooled yesterday morning to the Cameron Park Zoo, in Waco.

We spent the entire day exploring, laughing and learning. Here are a few things I learned during my trip to the zoo. Typing that last sentence makes me feel like I'm in fourth grade again.

Don't be surprised if the few things I learned are of fourth grade caliber, either.

1. Owl poop is HUGE.
2. I want to own a monkey with a tiny head. There's nothing cuter than a monkey with a tiny head.
3. Giraffe's are forced to do the Downward Dog for a simple drink of water.
4. There are a lot of hidden innuendo's when it comes to the neck and head of a tortoise. Just sayin'.
5. Mother's that take eight kids to the zoo and make it out alive, deserve a big award, or a pedicure.
6. Someone tell me why a beaver's teeth are orange...
7. Watching eight kids explore the zoo made me feel like a kid again.
8. Owl poop is HUGE.

Pictures say it all, and here they are......

Cameron Park Zoo

Mom. Please Go Sit Down. I've GOT This.

Amber and I meet up basically every Thursday at a park to let our kiddos play, have a picnic and gossip about anything new that might have happened within the last six days of seeing each other. It's a blast! I truly cherish my Thursday's With Amber. This Thursday was basically the same, except for the addition of one very thrilling event. My first born learned to RIDE A BIKE! No Training Wheels! YAY! I know! What's even more thrilling, is that she learned on the same bike Amber's son, Gage, learned on. He upgraded to a majorly cool motorcycle-looking bike a few months ago, and since Ava's bike has training wheels, and his old one doesn't, we thought we'd see how Ava did scooting around his old bike.

I was astonished. Within an hour, I went from walking behind her holding her seat, to running behind her holding her seat, to her demanding I go sit on a bench because my running along side her was distracting. She put in at least a billion trips around park before we'd left. My cheeks hurt so badly from smiling all morning. And poor little Ava's hiney hurts from all of that riding. Girls get the raw end of the stick when it comes to bike riding, btw.

I am such a proud Momma. I  have no idea how I managed to keep from calling Terry. All day I wanted to drive to his office and scream at his building, "OMG! BIG KID MILESTONE ALERT! SHE DID IT!"

What can I say... I have mad secret keeping skillz.

That, and the fact that Ava requested I not tell Terry until he got home from work.

Take a look at our BIG GIRL! Aren't you proud?!?


Go Speed Racer, GO! from Kara on Vimeo.

E.R. Playdates Are Where It's At!

Seriously. Last night was one for the books. The evening ended well, but the beginning to the evening was a big shitstorm of blood and tears.

It was gorgeous outside yesterday and Ava and Grace wanted to run around in our backyard for a bit. Ava popped in to use the potty and as we were heading back to the yard, we found Grace standing at the door with blood pouring from both nostrils and her mouth, screaming at the top of her lungs. I shrieked. My shriek led to Ava's shriek, which led to all three of us shrieking simultaniously. I grabbed Grace, who by the way, was COVERED in mud. (Apparently, mud pie making is the new tree climbing.)

I rushed out the front door and over to my neighbor Julie's house - she too, shrieked at the sight of poor Grace's face.Total shriek fest. She came over to take care of Ava while I rushed her to the hospital emergency room. Let me add, before I left, we sat Grace on the counter to both try and determine what had happened. There was so much blood... but we couldn't locate any wounds under the blood. In order to keep the hospital staff from thinking I keep my child in an underground cave beneath our home, I washed off her hands and feet. For serious, she already looked enough like a hillbilly. I didn't need to add fuel to the fire with bare feet, blood AND mud. Where in God's name did I grow up, Dogpatch?
I checked her into the E.R., and after having her vitals taken and being cleaned up, Grace and I took a seat in the waiting area, while an available room opened up.

I heard someone call my name. I turned around to find my friend Brandee and her three daughters sitting across the room. One of her daughters, four year-old Brooklynn, had a huge bandage on her forhead, and blood all over her shirt.We sat together for the next 40 minutes, and the four girls played while Brandee and I talked. And laughed. And scheduled a playdate. And a happy hour.

Brooklynn sliced her forhead open after she rode her bike into the back of an open tailgate. Eeesh. I saw the wound and OMG OMG OMG, I soooo know why I'm not a doctor. Or a nurse. The amount of schooling it involves might be one small reason, but the other is because I get queasy looking at my own razor burn.

 Trauma Tots

~Brooklynn & Grace~

(They compared blood stains, and Brooklyn won by a LONG SHOT)

Soon after our hubbies arrived, the two little cuties were called back. We were lucky enough to have rooms next to each other because Grace had become very attached to her new friends, at this point.

She wore gloves in the event of a disease outbreak.

But only on her left hand, for some reason.

She called them 'dubbs'.

Two dubbs Mommy. Peeze.

Brooklynn played peek a boo-boo.

Even the tiniest laceration to the inside of the tiniest of noses will produce copious amounts of blood. So much so, that you'll think your child's face has been knawed off by something with a shitload of VERY sharp teeth. When in reality, that just ain't the case.

Turns out she slipped on our patio and fell face first into the concrete. Busting her forhead and slicing the inside of her nostril, but it didn't need stitches. Unlike poor little Brooklynn, who needed five. :-(

In the end, those four little girls will probably become good friends, and those two little Mommy's will be hitting up a happy hour together, really soon. Smiles all around.

Hello. My Name is Kara. And I'm an Oreoholic.

Umm, hellooooo?! WHERE on earth did winter go? How is it already MARCH?? WTH? I can't believe summer is right around the corner. But, I am kind of excited, though. But only for the heat and the lake and the pools and the multiple, frosty alcoholic beverages on outdoor patios. Not for all of the work that comes with summer. Summer time for girls is hard work, people. There's shaving, moisturizing, fingernail painting, toe painting, the daily rubbing in of fake tanning lotion because I'm naturally as tan as a translucent newborn mouse.


Seriously.

Maybe the shaving and stuff I should be doing year round, but I don't. I certainly don't stop shaving completely, but I don't do it every damn day. I just don't have the time for that stuff. That is a lie. I do have the time. I just don't care. I'd rather save up all of those precious minutes and spend them on a couch. Under a snuggie. Watching TV and eating oodles of oreo's, which I've done all winter long. I know I must emerge from hibernation sooner or later, but I pick later. However....swimsuit season is creeping up on me, so it's probably a good idea to start dwindling down the number of oreo's I consume in the evenings. Maybe knock it down one or two a night. I don't want to throw myself into withdrawal or anything, so I'll start slow. I'm not crazy.

The Olympics In Review

It's been a few days since the closing ceremonies for the games, and like most of the world, I sat my ass on a couch every night at 7:00 p.m. sharp to watch some of the best athletes in the world, compete for gold, silver and bronze. If they had a sport for consuming unnecessary quantities of ice cream, thin mint Girl Scout cookies and popcorn, while watching the Olympics, I came away with the Gold. Take that losers.

Here are a few of the things I learned after watching the 2010 Winter Games:

1.) Apolo Ohno - Although he's got a great smile and thighs that could crush a unripened watermelon, he's only 5'8. That fact, unfortunately, lowers his hotness level significantly.

2.) Curling - WTF! ?????????

3.) Figure Skating - My favorite!! Except for when Britain's brother/sister pair took the ice. All I could concentrate on was the fact that the brother had his hands all over his sisters ass. They gazed into each other's eyes. They flipped each other around and touched 'those parts' together. They did wear cowboy hats, cutt-offs and country western shirts, which fits in line with the whole country bumpkin/incest thing, but come on. Did she really have to ride around on your lap while the both of you shot your finger guns at the audience?!?! Ick.

4.) Skikjøring totally needs to qualify as an official Olympic sport. Google it. How fun!

5.) Figure Skater Johnny Weir - He comes in at a close 2nd to my BFF Kathy Griffin. He's so fierce! So Glam! LOVE him!

6.) Bobsled Racing - These guys' shouldn't be considered 'athletes'. They wear full-body leotards. They have beer guts. They get all ass-slappy with each other, then run a little bit and jump into a tube together. Gravity and momentum do all of the work. Seriously.

Also,


Duuuude!



Mmm. Beer.

Two HUGE egomaniacs.



Go ahead and laugh. You know it's true.



If MY brother ever held me like that...he'd be in prison.



So berry faaaaabulous!!



Squidward has the better attitude of the two.