Here Kiddie Kiddie Kiddie, Wanna Ride?

I took Ava and Grace to the mall this morning, along with two friends and their kids. We met in the kiddie 'playscape' area that consists of a 3-foot high enclosure with a slide too small even for The Little's, (remember them? weren't they cute?!) and a plastic car that only one and a half toddlers can fit inside.

All of us moms have been waaaaiiitttting to walk into our mall one day and see a BRAND NEW PLAY SCAPE! Complete with modern toys, a slide that can take more weight than a newborn baby, and I dunno, just some new shit! Rather than this old shit that's been there way too long.

We walked into the mall this morning and instead of seeing a new dreamy play scape for our kids, we see a brand new HUGE-ASS CAROUSEL. In the MIDDLE OF THE MALL. Directly NEXT TO the old-ass play scape. Sure, it's new. But it's also not free! Like our old-ass play scape we love to hate, but still use all of the time anyway because we are cheap and lazy and like to sit while our kids play.

I'm sorry, but you just can't meander thru a mall with children under 10 and attempt to pass right by a HUGE-ASS CAROUSEL without stopping. Children are spazzy, and will freak out and point all once to the enormous and completely out of place carousel and make you take them on it.

So now.... not only do us moms sit while our kids play on an old-ass play scape made for 10 month-olds, we are now forced to fork over money for an over priced dizzying spin around a merry-go-round.

We actually got a good laugh when upon entering the ride, we read some strict rules for 'proper riding'. Which included NO HIGH FIVES to other riders while ride is in motion. I'll admit, it was so much freakin' fun that near the end of the ride, I gave Grace a silent, tiny high five pat, while I was holding onto her. No one noticed. Thank God! I hope they don't review their surveillance video.

Our laughter quickly subsided when we realized that not only does this carousel have the run of the mill pretty ponies to choose from, it also gave you a choice between a demonic killer monkey from a Stephen King movie or a devil-red, pissed off wild boar. With tusks.

Who is the freakazoid that designed this thing? Not one single child rode on either of those creepy animals. The hellish monkey has forearms that are entirely too muscular and would most likely be used to rip off your face. And the devil-red wart hog thing is in mid charge - ready to flip you in the air, then gouge you in your heart on your way back down.

But... there was one amazingly pretty pony.

Although, The Freakazoid named her "Willie" for some strange reason, it appeared he gave her a few overnight treatments of Latisse for a bit of a lash boost. Just look at those lashes! So lush!