Check out my latest piece.
It's spot on, people.
Talent like this doesn't just present itself in every Stay At Home Mom, y'all.
Ava could tell the story MUCH BETTER than I could... but she can't type and can barely spell C-A-T, so I will be taking care of the story-telling here.
OK. Glance at the crime scene sketch I have prepared for you above.
What do you see?
If you said...
1. A side view of an index finger with sweet 20" rims and police sirens
2. A crazy-haired Q-tip
3. Bombs bursting in air
4. A misshapen penis next to two zombies with graduation caps on
You are SADLY MISTAKEN. And shame on you for your poor interpretation.
What you SHOULD SEE is the following:
1. A police cruiser (with sweet rims)
2. Me parked along next to him, with obvious PERFECTLY UPRIGHT POSTURE
3. Three total douche bag teenage boys, peering over a brick wall
4. Water balloons bursting thru the air
Oh yes I did folks, I called the PO PO on those MO FO'S.
I swear to God it sounded like I ran over a dead bloated goat when it happened. I was driving down a quiet neighborhood street while on the phone with Terry and all of a sudden yelled OHMYGAWDWHATWASTHAT?! Then hung up. (Hindsight: Don't do that to your husband if you are ever in my situation... their reaction might not be the best...) I quickly pulled over and got out to see about the bloated goat when I saw water droplets on the rear passenger wheel well. I jumped back into the car and turned around headed toward where I'd hit the goat. That's when I saw it. Saw THEM... the little shits. Three teenagers were peering over a brick wall laughing and hurling bright orange water balloons at passing vehicles.
Awwww naaaahhhh, yo. My tiny, white-girl ghetto side came out and I leaped out of the car, and yelled at those little shits. Then hopped back in the car and called 911. I told the dispatcher I'd been hit with a water balloon when BOOM! Another pelted the roof of my car. Aww HALE NAHHH! I jumped out of the car, hung up with the dispatcher after she said she was sending someone out, I turned on my phone's video camera and peeked thru the fence next to the wall. They had scattered. The little shits.
The cop showed up and asked me all sorts of questions, checked for damage to the rear of my vehicle, then said he would take care of it.
I wanted him to get rough with them and 'teach them a lesson' but he must have had better things to do because he totally drove away after I got back in my car. He must have had a donut waiting for him back at the station.
Oh, and the oval shaped turd looking things between my car and the police car are the police man's footprints. Ava wanted to make sure I drew footprints to show the cop walking toward us.
Now that I think of it, maybe the cop sped off to go pawn the the huge 600-karat diamond ring on the roof of his car.
