Come On. Gimme An 'A' For Effort

So this is the first 'full week' of Kinder for Ava and things are going swimmingly. I love that term. Swimmingly. It reminds me of 'Dory' in Finding Nemo. She was so cute. And she couldn't help but loose track of her thoughts.

Um...

Oh. Ava... yes.

It's great. Ava LOVES school.

With one ever-so-gentle arm touch in the morning, she scares the shit out of me yelling, "Is it school?!" and then leaps out of bed and is dressed and making her own breakfast in like 6 seconds flat. It's crazy, the amount of drive this kid has, in kindergarten, of all things.

I can hear her in ten years, waking up all, "Are the SAT's today?!?!? AWESOME, I GOTSTA GO!"

Boy, she and I really couldn't be any different.

OK, so Her Teacher. She's super sweet.

I thought I'd start off on the right foot by volunteering for Tuesday Folders...Workroom Helper... and various other light duties that keep me involved in the Going's On, but far, far away from The Crazies. (You know who they are. Those Other Mom's.)

So, during Meet The Teacher Night before school started, I signed up to make and bring in gingerbread cookies for a Gingerbread Man Hunt, where the kids go around and search for gingerbread men and it helps familiarize themselves with the layout of the school, and such. My job is to bring a dozen gingerbread 'girls' to school tomorrow so the teacher can hide them in secret spots and and the wee children can look to-and-fro for those pesky, hiding gingerbread men, then eat them all up!

Except for one thing.

The eating them all up part.

You understand it's August right?

And the season for gingerbread cookies was like, EIGHT MONTHS AGO.

And I don't do HOMEMADE STUFF.

So the only thing on the shelf, IN AUGUST, that doesn't involve one of those fancy mixer things (where I'm forced to do it the REAL WAY with flour and baking soda, or is it powder, and all of those other fancy ingredients), was one box of Gingerbread Cookie Mix.

The whole grain kind. Gluten free. No sugar.

Grace watched me mix it all up and said, "Mommy, it looks like sand. With dirt inside, also."

Yes Grace.

YES IT DOES.

And I'm pretty darn sure it tastes like sand with dirt inside, also.

I cannot imagine any five or six year-old liking these things. And I certainly cannot imagine them liking their shapes either, because I made these cookies at 9 o'clock tonight after Ava went to sleep (since it's a surprise) and after a long day, my contacts were all dried out, my rolling pin was barely working trying to roll out basically WHOLE OATS with sand and dirt and water mixed in, it didn't go too well.

So I thought I'd remedy the situation by decorating my newborn gingerbread girls.

OMG!

Her juvederm injections were clearly done by an unlicensed dermatologist.

What a HACK JOB.

At least she's a blond. That will get her somewhere. And is it just me, or does she have a hernia in need repair, or could that be a cesarean-section that went horribly wrong?

I have a feeling the teacher will keep any future volunteer sign-up sheets far, far away from Ava's Mom.

Newborn To Kindergarten At Warp Speed

Wasn't it just yesterday you had your first birthday?

Look at you now.

You're such a Big Kid.

 You weren't at all afraid on your very first day of Kindergarten.

You kissed your Mom and Dad good-bye and walked away with a smile.

We are proud of you, sweet Ava.

ACL Live - Miranda Lambert Studio Taping

I received an email from Terry Tuesday morning stating the following:

Honey:
Nonnie will be over tomorrow night to watch the girls. She'll be over around 5:30.

YOU AND I HAVE PLANS! Attire: Cute dress. We'll be indoors, you'll need to eat something before we go.

Love you,
T

OMG I love surprises!!!
But the whole 'eat before we go' thing knocked dinner plans out of my thoughts - so... could it be a movie, a play? I had no clue.

My mom and sister knew what he was planning, but of course, kept it to themselves. POOR SPORTS!!

So now it's Wednesday, 5:30pm, and my mom shows up right on time. She sends us off with a smile and
we head toward downtown. I pulled down my passenger side sun visor/mirror and a piece of paper fell into my lap. I opened it up and the first words that caught my eye were: Congratulations and Miranda Lambert. HOLY CRAP!!! WUT!?!?!

He had entered his name into a drawing for stage level passes to the Miranda Lambert live studio taping at Austin City Limits! And won!

While waiting in line to get inside, we ran into our friend Sara and her dad, who also had tix, and they partied/danced/sang right along with us. It was awesome!

Miranda is one helluva firecracker... she's super short, has great legs, wore glittery stiletto's and a leather and lace black mini dress and rocked her little country heart out! Along with a dozen other of her songs, she sang two songs with her new band, Pistol Annie, and of course rocked the house with Hell on Heels. So fun!

The night was a total blast and the four of us ended up with major camera time. Way more than 15 minutes of fame! Ha! I can't wait until the October airing, I'm sure we will laugh the whole time we see ourselves, having a great time dancing like fools and not givin' a damn!

It was a night I won't forget, and I am thankful to have a man in my life that gets such a kick out of surprising me and seeing me happy.

Thanks Honey!!!!

Sunning, Swimming and Side-Splitting Laughter

That about sums up Last Friday Night ....


5th Annual Girls Weekend from Kara on Vimeo.

Red White and Blue

"The One with the Dance Off"

"Um, we have to do what SHE DOES!! She didn't TAKE A BOWEL!"


Morning Dance Party! from Kara on Vimeo.

Pop Goes The Police Batton Over Your Teenage Heads

I'm now available to be hired as a sketch artist for crime scene reenactment purposes.

Check out my latest piece.
 

It's spot on, people.

Talent like this doesn't just present itself in every Stay At Home Mom, y'all.

Ava could tell the story MUCH BETTER than I could... but she can't type and can barely spell C-A-T, so I will be taking care of the story-telling here.

OK. Glance at the crime scene sketch I have prepared for you above.

What do you see?

If you said...

1. A side view of an index finger with sweet 20" rims and police sirens

2. A crazy-haired Q-tip

3. Bombs bursting in air

4. A misshapen penis next to two zombies with graduation caps on

You are SADLY MISTAKEN. And shame on you for your poor interpretation.

What you SHOULD SEE is the following:

1. A police cruiser (with sweet rims)

2. Me parked along next to him, with obvious PERFECTLY UPRIGHT POSTURE

3. Three total douche bag teenage boys, peering over a brick wall

4. Water balloons bursting thru the air

Oh yes I did folks, I called the PO PO on those MO FO'S.

I swear to God it sounded like I ran over a dead bloated goat when it happened. I was driving down a quiet neighborhood street while on the phone with Terry and all of a sudden yelled OHMYGAWDWHATWASTHAT?! Then hung up. (Hindsight: Don't do that to your husband if you are ever in my situation... their reaction might not be the best...) I quickly pulled over and got out to see about the bloated goat when I saw water droplets on the rear passenger wheel well. I jumped back into the car and turned around headed toward where I'd hit the goat. That's when I saw it. Saw THEM... the little shits. Three teenagers were peering over a brick wall laughing and hurling bright orange water balloons at passing vehicles.

Awwww naaaahhhh, yo. My tiny, white-girl ghetto side came out and I leaped out of the car, and yelled at those little shits. Then hopped back in the car and called 911. I told the dispatcher I'd been hit with a water balloon when BOOM! Another pelted the roof of my car. Aww HALE NAHHH! I jumped out of the car, hung up with the dispatcher after she said she was sending someone out, I turned on my phone's video camera and peeked thru the fence next to the wall. They had scattered. The little shits.

The cop showed up and asked me all sorts of questions, checked for damage to the rear of my vehicle, then said he would take care of it.

I wanted him to get rough with them and 'teach them a lesson' but he must have had better things to do because he totally drove away after I got back in my car. He must have had a donut waiting for him back at the station.

Oh, and the oval shaped turd looking things between my car and the police car are the police man's footprints. Ava wanted to make sure I drew footprints to show the cop walking toward us. 

Now that I think of it, maybe the cop sped off to go pawn the the huge 600-karat diamond ring on the roof of his car.

Father's Day

GW Lodge

4 kids... 4 adults... 2 nights... LOTS-O-FUN!!!


Great Wolf 2011 from Kara on Vimeo.

You'll Thank Us When It's 105 Outside

It happens every summer.

And every summer she struggles with strategic sitting positions in an attempt to hide her newly naked girlie parts.

Slow It Down There, Little Girl

I'm all for you growing up, but this is ridiculous.

Two teeth and a preschool graduation within 11 days - let's just take a break from all of the Getting Big for a while, mkay?

Don't Blink

I am so fortunate to have witnessed every laugh, tear and milestone our sweet Ava has experienced.

She played with Play-Doh her first day of preschool, and showed me how she could count by five's to one-hundred during her graduation.

We are so proud of her!

KDO class of 2011! 

Tossing their caps!

"We're Outta Here!"

We's Country Bumpkins

I'm too tired and lazy to type an introduction for this blog post

Double click below

I'm even too tired and lazy for proper punctuation

He HAS WHISKERS

How cute are HIS WHISKERS

Hyatt Wild Oak Ranch - San Antonio

The Tiny Tooth Fairy Cometh

Last night, after dinner, we gave Ava and Grace some chocolate covered strawberries for dessert.  Ava took her first bite into the hard chocolaty exterior and yelped with pain. That set in motion an hour-and-a-half long waiting period for Ava to feel comfortable enough for me stick my fingers in her mouth and see what was going on.

The one tooth that had been loose for weeks, finally decided it was time to come out. I placed my pinkie finger on the back of the tooth and it plunged forward. While I cringed on the inside from how creepy it felt, Ava panicked on the outside. She called her cousin Kylie to ask advice on how to handle the loose tooth, and Kylie said she needed to twist it around in order to loosen it up. To which Ava's response was to make a gagging noise and cry hysterically.

While Daddy and Grace watched from the bed, I did my best to assure Ava that if she let me pull her tooth, I would promise not to hurt her. We pinkie promised she would be brave and I would be quick...and with a panicked jerking back motion of her head...Ta Da! The tooth was out.


Lil' Miss Drama And Her Momma from Kara on Vimeo.

So proud of My Girl!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Grace requested two pig tails this morning. When I was finished with her hair, I asked her to turn around so I could see her. She posed with this half-smile and a memory of a school photo of me in the 2nd grade popped into my head. I dug around for the photo and compared the two. There's a few years difference between these shots, but I think she looks remarkably like me.

Ava has very dark brown eyes and wavy brown hair. She resembles Terry's side of the family.
Grace has straight blond hair and blue eyes. Mostly resembling my family.

My hair was stick straight with a red tinge in 2nd grade. For some bizarre reason, the next year my hair grew in very curly, and stayed that way until I had Ava.

Now, after two kids, and the hormones that come with them... it can't seem to make up its damn mind - and is stuck somewhere between a half-assed curly and a frizzy, limp stage. 

Don't get all jealous.

Say What?

Sunday night, we, along with a bunch of people in our neighborhood set out their junk/bulk items along their curbs for pick-up Monday morning. Barely 30 minutes after Terry rolled out our gas grill, a truck and trailer pulled up and snatched it away like thieves in the night.

The next morning when taking the girls to school, I noticed dozens of broken down cardboard boxes someone set out along the street. I dropped the girls off and made my way back to the boxes, knowing my sister could use them for packing since she's moving. I pulled over, folded down all of the seats and looked totally ridiculous trying to heave these two huge things into the back of my SUV. They barely fit.

Later on, while switching them from my car to hers, we noticed something written on one of the boxes.

Excuse me.

WTF is a Squirt Room?

I think Bemis is a medical supply company, but is that really an accurate term to use for the room storing those supplies? It must be, since both Squirt and Room are capitalized. OMG - what sort of SQUIRTING goes on in a Squirt Room? Am I now tainted since I manhandled every single square inch of that box trying to get the damn thing into my car?!

I'm aware that the only things that have the potential to SQUIRT, are liquids. And since this box most likely contained medical supplies housing things in a liquid state - that can only mean - Bodily Fluids. Right? Unless I read the wrong Google search result and Bemis is the company that manufactures silly string. Because silly string is the only other thing I can think of that squirts.

I'm grossed out. What if that box was left inside the Squirt Room and someones foreign SQUIRT splashed onto it? 

Oh, and before I go any further... do not Google the term squirt room if your kids are in the same room. Or if you are at work. Because it's not defined as "a secure room housed within a medical facility for the safe and secure storage of bodily fluids" like I thought.

----

So now, both me and my sister along with the inside of our vehicles, could potentially be contaminated with strange and nameless SQUIRTABLE substances.

Wanna hang out later?

I'll drive.

Eight Years

Make A Wish!

4.24.07 | 12:35 p.m. | 7 lbs. 10 oz.

Grace's Turns FOUR! from Kara on Vimeo.

Where Have All The Poppies Gone?

I heard Georgetown's Red Poppy Festival was taking place this weekend, so we ventured out Sunday to take a look. The excitement must have ended Saturday because it was super slow and  uneventful... and we never found any red poppies. Did we miss something? 

Ahem. Perhaps we should zoom in and take a closer look at Gracie:

It's obvious she gets it from her Dad.

Usually, T is better at the self portraits than I, so I trusted him in getting one of us along with the big banner on the courthouse. Betcha wish you were there with us --- at the WELCOME TO. 

Not a lot going down while we were there... but I did witness one person purchasing the bird feeder below and I'm pretty sure only the hoity toity, privileged birds are allowed to dine from it.

Oh and I know it sucks, but I just checked our 2012 calendar and it looks like we are plum booked this same weekend ~ so it turns out we can't make it next year.

Bummer.

Go On ... Get Your Pedal On!

Gracie can now officially join her Big Sister in Two-Wheeled adventures!



Grace Rides from Kara on Vimeo.